Choose: Their approval OR Innocence

Stop squeezing the life out of your creative pursuit.

My son Rafi, will never be almost five again.

Never standing on the driveway with his cowboy hat, wearing bright red dragon wings that glimmer in the late afternoon sun, and a big long dragon tail that knocks over everything in its path. He’s oblivious to the small trail of destruction behind him.

He’s a dragon. It’s as simple as that.

Never again, will he be almost five, grooving in the bedroom to pull toy that sings a lullaby from 40 years ago, while holding a little stuffed kangaroo called “Kangy.”

Eyes closed, knees bent and slowly bopping to the rhythm in slow motion. Letting each tune fill his little body.

In his own world, not in mine.

In his experience.

A pure one. Not altered due to observation.

He doesn’t yet see himself through the eyes of those around him.

He’s almost there.

At the developmental stage where self awareness kicks in and he will be forever changed after that point.

He will have to fight from then on to come back to himself and his own internal experience of life. He will have to hold the duality of how his actions, words… or dragon tail can impact others while also clawing back to the innocence of dancing in the bedroom with his eyes shut feeling those tunes.

Some days it breaks my heart.
Not that he’s growing up,

But that one day soon he will no longer be almost five. Where the world is safe and pure. Where other opinions of him don’t yet matter to him. He’ll be a grown man yearning for that space of childlike innocence once again.

Right now he sits for hours and makes art.
He’s not trying to make good art yet.

Not pretty art.

Not desirable art.

He’s not yet attempting to change the world with his art.

Just change his own world.

Just scribbling rainbows and robots with poo on their head because he likes to.

Sticking them up on his wall because he is proud.

The gift of having children is they begin to raise us all over again.

This time differently.

As we assess our own parenting and attune to their needs,

We begin to subtlety and often not so subtly attune to our own.

Or at the very least realise we need to.

We can only go on for so long as mothers disregarding that we have, not only survival needs like eating lunch or going to the bathroom when we need to…

We then acknowledge we have emotional needs and creative needs.

We have a need to feel alive and connected.

Our children make or break this. We typically blame having children for our ability to honour our needs, and in my humble opinion - If anything, they should be the very reason we take a stand for our needs.

Mothers who are alive and connected, teach children that aliveness is worth claiming.

It’s essential for a fulfilled life.

It’s like our kids can sense it in us,

or at least - Rafi can.

He knows when I’ve tried too hard on a drawing.

He’s brutally honest and tells me he doesn’t like it.

I personally thought my scenery of lush green hills and a little home was nice. I put a rainbow overtop for him because I know he loves rainbows.

I like it because it makes sense.

He doesn’t like it because it’s not innocent.

He just wonders why the hills aren’t orange like fire.
He wonders where the dragon castle is.

Mainly why there isn’t poo on the rainbow.

Of course.
Here I am, attempting creativity with a child. The master of creativity.

Why be realistic when you can be wild?

Why draw green hills, when on this paper, hills can be absolutely any colour, and also any shape.

Why follow the rules when this is the one safe place to go rogue.

See, children are innocent.

Over time innocent morphed into meaning “Not guilty” or “Naive”,

though when you trace the thread through it’s weavings back to the words original “Spell”ing,

Innocens

In - “Without”

Nocens - “Harm, Hurt”

In latin, innocens means “Not harming, harmless”

In old French, innocent means “Pure”

In Middle English, innocent means “Free from guilt, or moral wrong”.

To me, innocence means purity of a childlike heart.

Innocence is an intuitive embodiment. It’s not intended, it is simply their natural sate.

(Unless trying to wheel and deal a treat, and even then, most childhood “Manipulation” is done with a foundation of innocence. Of course he wants the yummy thing. He’s four.)

Innocence is the ability to see without judgement.

Act without hesitation.

Play.

Stay Curious.

Innocence with our creative process IS our superpower.

It’s not to say we don’t refine skills, edit, and attempt to learn and grow.

It’s that our draft copy - of life, or of creative pursuit, MUST come from innocence.

aka

From purity, from no harm.

From our curiosity and childlike heart.

Innocence is not reserved for children.

It is our natural state too.

Before we began observing ourselves through the eyes of others.

Before we found ourselves walking the line of being in our own experience while witnessing it through the perceived perspective of those around us - which is also, simply our own perspective of them and often not accurate in itself.

We were innocent before we began moulding and shifting our voice, our words, our thoughts to blend into the illusion of normal, or palatable, or what is deemed “good enough” by someone else who is likely very hell bent on being perceived as good enough themselves.

We were innocent before we were told we had to overanalyse, perfect, and always try our best. (Could we try our worst? Would that be fun?)

Before we began to squeeze the life out of our creative process, suffocate it, dry it up and then wonder why it doesn’t “hit the spot” anymore.

We look around and hope that we squeezed it into the perfect shape,

You know,

the shape that is just enough, not too much, not too little. Not too confrontational, enough to enjoy. Enough to get that green tick of approval.

We look around waiting for someone to say “good job for squeezing your creation so much it can no longer breathe.” That nod of approval, being the only breath of oxygen we’ve been yearning for. Almost passing out in our pursuit of creating through the eyes of everyone but ourselves.

The eyes of everything but innocence.

The more adult I become, (am I the only cusp millennial that’s feeling like I have to remind myself I am actually an adult with free will? That I cannot keep waiting for a more adult adult to tell me what to do?)

The more I realise those who I had once craved to see me, to acknowledge my gifts, to give me some sort of nod of approval… were actually people who were caged within their own rules of how they thought they should be based on their own networks.

I stopped craving approval from those who were too “Professional”, even when their skills were top tier.

I stopped waiting to be seen by others,

and instead craved deeply to be seen by myself.

If and when I did want to be seen within a community - Which of course is part of our human nature, to be acknowledged and witnessed in ourselves.

(Because - humanity, connection, intimacy… ya know.)

Then I made an oath to only desire to be witnessed by those who are committed to their creative process within themselves. Those who remain in their innocence.

Liberty Of Elle

Sigourney Belle

Tess Guinery

Are some writers off the top of my head that remind me of innocence.

I only wanted to feel seen by those who could recognise when I remain in my own innocence.

Rafi, my almost five year old, is the first one I turn to now.

He knows when I’m in my innocence.

Children keep us young. Not in our youth, but in our mind. In our play. In our curiosity with life.

To the mothers who are building a business or creative project right now,

this is your invitation to reconnect with innocence. With play.

With presence and to reengage being in your own experience of life.

Cut the threads that are pulling your energy into comparison or what others are thinking of you.

(Yes, actually cut those threads. Jump into the comments if you’d like me to share a cord cutting ritual so that you can reclaim your energy.)

Look to our children. They are our teachers.

Lot’s of love, Kat

If you enjoyed this, please share with those you believe could benefit from this message.

When do you know you are in your innocence? When do you know that you are no longer connected to that thread?

If you’re new here, Hi, I’m Kat. I write for the mother makers. The witchy mothers who are dancing with business, motherhood, intuition, magic and creative process.

We are creating a thriving symposium for the mother makers and you are absolutely, without a doubt, invited to come play.

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