I'll never forget the night...

The hours before I first said "I love you"

In this publication:

Little story about Tul & I,

Tully’s Relationship 4 month mentorship coming up & Access to a FREE 90 minute training he did the other night,

Some photos from our trip to WA that we just got home from.

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I’ll never forget the night, 

Where I felt scared of Tully, Met by Tully, Held by him, loved by him, and seen completely and deeply by him, while feeling as though he had swallowed me whole and I was within his heart entirely. 

Let me set the scene. 

We were in far north Bali. 

This isn’t the Bali you know. 

We had left the hustle and bustle of cafe culture and Lulu lemon yoga pants. 

It took us hours driving and winding around mountain ranges, up through the mist, and out the other side. 

This part of the island was different. I couldn’t see one white person, and it felt peaceful. As though we had rolled back in time. 

The villagers lived simply and barely had anything to sell, because, I assume, they rarely saw tourists up this way. 

Their whole economy was different here. Instead of relying on tourism they relied on each other, swapping food, and caring for the extended family. 

It was dryer up here too. Less rainforest, more volcano and altitude vibes. 

We drove slowly through the small village to where we were staying for a retreat. 

The first thing I noticed was how black the sand was here. Like charcoal. 

Though the beaches still stunning, and the contrast of the sand to the blue of the swimming pool was beautiful. 

Tully & I weren’t officially together though we had been dating somewhat exclusively for a month or so at this point. 

One night, as the open pavilion we were in emptied, Tully was about to be held through a process. 

An anger, rage, shame release of sorts. 

I’ll forever remember him standing there, his loose singlet with his arms and torso muscles sweating from the humidity underneath. 

His eyes closed. 

Silence. 

A friend slowly guided me to stand in front of him, half a meter away. 

I could hear his breathing, he could hear mine. 

All I had known of Tully so far was how safe and beautiful his heart felt. 

And how full of knowledge he was and how compassionate and empathetic he had been to me and others. 

The three men all took a position either side of Tul & one behind him. 

Silence. 

A waiting. 

And then, 

His roar erupted. 

Veins immediately appearing on his neck, his forehead. 

His arms ripped upwards as the other men held him down. 

He fought against them and his deep screams bellowing from his solar plexus. 

He yelled and roared and pulled, 

I stood, 

Still

Witnessing him, from two ruler lengths away.

One of these men being lifted from the ground trying to hold down his arm.

For a moment I felt scared. I’d never seen this sort of power in a man contained in this way. 

I’d never been close like this, 

But known I was safe. 

It was new. 

And my fears turned into awe quickly. 

Watching beads of sweat drop to the floor from his forehead. 

And admiration for his willingness to feel in this way. 

Tully’s roars were angry. 

Then they were painful.
Then his body shuddered,

Waves of sobs overcame him. 

The men around him softened. 

After a while the sobs turned into stillness. 

Peace. 

Power. 

That’s when his eyes opened, and locked onto mine. 

I’m unsure if the other men disappeared and left the open pavilion, 

Or if it just felt like Tul and I were the only people to exist. 

But we stood there, 

A step apart

Holding each others gaze for a long while. 

Breathing slowly in sync, 

Feeling the electricity in the space around our skin. 

I saw the anger and rage and the sadness. I saw the beautiful man before me, in his vulnerability. 

I saw that It could be scary to show the woman you’ve just started dating those sides of yourself straight away. 

Would it be too much. 

I could see for a moment him scanning me, for any sign that it was too much. 

It wasn’t. 

I held his gaze and tears filled my eyes.

They filled his too. 

It was as though a cocoon had surrounded us. 

Cushioning us, 

Pushing us towards each other. 

We found ourselves in each others arms. 

I whispered “thank you” into his chest. 

Before slowly walking to the pool. 

No explanation had to be shared. 

No stories made up about his experience. 

He was just in it. 

Held and loved. 

Witnessed without judgement. 

It was that night I told him I loved him, under the stars over the black beach. 

That was the night he told me too. 

And that was the intensity our relationship began with. 

Depth, 

Trust, 

Safety in Vulnerability, 

Honesty of feeling, 

Clarity of communication. 

No games. 

Open hearted connection,

Beauty and love. 

Since then We’ve personally experienced many initiations into deeper loves within our relationship. 

We’ve experienced different forms of betrayals of trust - especially early on. 

We’ve navigated and overcome jealousy in healthy ways. 

We’ve navigated sexual explorations and the lack of. 

We’ve experienced changes once we got engaged, once we got married and once we became parents. 

We’ve held each other and ourselves through deep healing and unravelingss. 

We’ve practiced clear communication and honest feelings since day one. 

We’ve moved houses, changed careers, and moved through many life shifts. 

We’ve brought ourselves back from numbness/ Groundhog Day successfully many times, 

And have experienced the honeymoon phases again and again. 

Over 5 Years ago we began working with couples. 

It started with One on One clients, and quickly moved into Couples retreats. 

These retreats have been such a highlight for us, and had a really amazing response from couples attending. 

The retreats moved into an online program, that evolved from 5 weeks intensive to a 10 week deep dive. 

We were learning as we went, and over the time of hosting the retreats and online program, we worked with close to 300 couples, not including any live talks Over that time. 

We had a lot of fun and got to witness some really special transformations for couples. 

Sometimes it really is as simple as creating a space so that change can naturally happen. 

(Which, by the way, is what I believe it should be. Any facilitator saying they’ll save you is probably one to steer clear of. A facilitator should know their role is to guide, and create an environment for change to happen)

Early 2021 we finished our last intake for our program online. 

I needed to step into motherhood differently and found so much of my time, energy and focus was elsewhere. 

Raf was growing, our relationship was going through another birth of it’s own, 

And we needed to step back and regroup. 

A lot of our work was changing. Some we no longer wanted to teach, and other aspects we still stood behind but could feel an evolution brewing for them. 

Something parenthood offered us was roots. It really put to the test what works and what doesn’t. What’s just a nice idea, vs what’s practical and powerful. 

I told Tul I wouldn’t continue with couples work in this season of our lives. 

I wanted to be in motherhood land and though I was still passionate, I had to honour my inner shift in direction. 

Tul went on to complete (Literally today) 9 months of full time study, 

Also got qualified in Soma breath work & became fully trauma informed. 

He’s expanded his knowledge in some huge ways this past 18 months/ 2 years. 

Worked closely with mentors, had many conversations with couples, men, fathers, and mothers on the big transitions that happen relationally once becoming parents. 

He had continued 1:1 work (with couples privately) but all group events and programs were focused for men over this time. 

Some of you may know Tul used to be a physiotherapist, who moved into the world of emotional wellbeing and somatic healing, because he saw some obvious gaps in the mainstream models of health. 

He found that when Laying face down on the physio table, clients would be opening up about their emotional wounding - and more often than not it would be related to the ailments they were in for. 

He also knew that one of the biggest contributors to someones overall life satisfaction was the quality of their close relationships, he knew he wanted to move into that field of work. 

Last year Tul told me he wanted to bring back the couples work. He loves working with couples, but the timing wasn’t right. We had just moved into the caravan for a few months, then moved across the country. 

One of the best decisions Tul made this year though was to bring on a business manager (Steph), which means instead of him sorting all the back end parts of his work like landing pages and emails and application forms etc, he can be in his genius, doing what he’s best at, which is creating powerful environments for change and evolution for people. 

He has JUST hosted a FREE training for singles and couples on relationships.

Here are the 4 topics covered - 

1. Understanding Your Relationship Blueprint and how it impacts how you’re currently showing up.

2. The importance of Cultivating Clarity on Your Relationship Vision.

3. Embodied Communication and Conflict Repair.

4. Tending to Your Own and Your Partner's Nervous System.

https://tullyoconnor.kartra.com/page/4pillars

You can access the training above (Until the 16th of Dec which is today but the link is still up so open it and get access before he or Steph take it down haha)

And alongside the training he has launched Liberating Love - Which is firstly an entire rebrand of living in love, (So if you’re searching for living in love on instagram it’s no longer there, it can only be found under @liberating_love)

Liberating Love will be a 4 month couples group program/mentorship.

I’ll pop a link below for anyone who may be looking to grow in that area, 

And you can have a scroll through a beautiful webpage (thanks Steph)

Tully & all the couples joining, kick off in February 2023 though to June 2023 and it’s going to be a beautiful, wholesome way to bring connection, fresh conversation, new skills & deeper intimacy into your relationship. 

You can follow along on @liberating_love 

Or DM Tully on @tullyoconnor or Email Tullyoconnor1@gmail.com 

For more details 

https://tullyoconnor.kartra.com/page/relationshipmastery

This link has NOT been made public yet, so just sharing with you guys incase any of you were interested, but at this stage the link only has gone out to those on Tul’s email list.

So that’s the updates there ^^

Other news is that I haven’t felt super inspired to create or write lately, though fair enough as we only just got back to QLD after 3 very full weeks in Western Aus.

Very full meaning full of nourishing time with community and family,

And also meaning I was solo mumming for almost half of that time while Tully was hosting day events and a Men’s retreat.

There were some full travel days as we drove a LOT to go visit family.

And our schedule was full. We have learned now that we need more time when we head over there if Tul wants to also work. In total we had 2 nights alone as a family together.

Other than that we were bed hopping/ house hopping every few days!

We had the best time but had definitely come home exhausted and in need of a week’s downtime to take it slow and rest.

I’ll be back on the writing rhythm soon!

Have a beautiful end of the year to you all! xx