I'm terrified AND

Expanding capacity to hold our creative lives.

I was bleeding. A fresh break out on my face.

The half an hour after I breastfeed - is the same half an hour my brain is total mush.

I was in a crisis of confidence.

And yet, I was dying to get up the mountain to a poetry evening.

All I wanted was to sit there with a bowl of Dahl, cosy under a blanket, and listen to poetry under fairy lights.

So, we did what any responsible parents who appreciate routine and home bed times would do…

We piled the kids into the car in their pyjamas, brought some colouring in, and drove an hour up the mountain to the event.

Why I grabbed my notebook filled with my own poetry, i’m unsure. Perhaps I assumed I’d feel inspired to write on the way home. As I flicked through the pages on the way up - I felt nervous.

Somehow, between then, and 90 minutes later….

I’m on stage.

It was never my intention, but perhaps it was my future self reaching back through time and space to grab my notebook.

She knew.

I didn’t.

I was terrified. I had put my hand up on a whim, after a glass of red confidence that I was praying wasn’t staining my teeth.

He had called me up, not in half an hour as assumed…

Half an hour where i’d go and change my period underwear, get a glass of water, and mentally prepare to speak my own poetry for the first time in front of a crowd.

He called me up, immediately and as my spirit left my body - I walked through the crowd dissociated, only to call myself back into my limbs at the very least as I was passed the microphone.

Terrified.

The irony is - I actually like public speaking. I'm a Leo - give me a stage.

But only when I know my demographic. Only when I’m in my teaching mode. Only when I’m offering education.

Not my art. Not my vulnerability. Not when I’m hormonally exposed. Not when I just breastfed and my brain is mush. Not when it’s my first time.

The blood filled my ears. I couldn’t hear my own voice as I began to speak.

Terrified to offend someone religious with my witchy poem.
Terrified to offend my mother with something said.
Terrified to say it wrong. To appear nervous when I’m often the opposite.

Terrified to not be good, or not be great,

terrified of silence afterwards, and every other fear that pops up.

Honestly I can barely remember how it all went.

Click here for the poem I performed

But what I do remember was feeling elated afterwards.

Because I had done the scary thing.

I remember feeling like I didn’t care if it was good or great afterwards.

I appreciated the cheer from the men in the front row.

But I was proud that I felt how imperfect the evening was for me, and I showed up and did the damn thing simply to stretch myself and my capacity.

Because I knew - If performing was my edge, then there was absolutely magic on the other side of that edge for me. Medicine for my spirit.

If that was my discomfort, then I so, badly, wanted to reach into the discomfort and pull up a green velvet squishy couch and get cosy in it. I wanted the discomfort to stretch around me and hold me tight until it felt like a soft duvet and I could relax into it.
I wanted to alchemise my discomfort and fear, into a new normal of comfort and liberation.

The alchemist.

This is who I am.
This is why I host my beloved Art of Alchemy program.

Because I take what is, and I transform it into gold.

I knew that if I could stretch my capacity to find comfortability in performing something vulnerable, live…

Then I would have access now to my own next level.

Sort of like Super Mario… You have to unlock the next level, and then the next.

I cannot just jump from who I am now,

to the fully expressed, fully confident, fully liberated, fully creative and alive version of myself.

I needed to open a portal to my own next stage, and step through.

Performing that night shifted my energy.

It had me feel safer to be uncomfortable. It had me face off with ungrounded fears.

Had me hold myself.

It moved me from “nervous because I had never done it” into “Growing and trusting myself because I was doing it”.

It had me step into an identity of a spoken word poet which was something I wanted badly for myself.

Which then opened other opportunities.

That were not available for me before.

So I ask you…

Where is your edge? Who would you be on the other side of it?

As a mother where have you found comfort in your current life and is it still serving you or do you KNOW there’s more for you.

The version of you who can make $ from your ideas… Does she exist? Or is she on the other side of your edge.

The version of you who can mother and make with ease, dance with creative tension and be liberated by it? Is she here? Or through the portal and out the other side?

The version of you who has figured out how you work, how you sell and promote, how you serve and create, how you mother, move and shake…

Is she present? Reading this now? Or is there a transition needing to take place?

Lots of love, Kat.

PS

The doors to my signature Art of Alchemy 12 week online journey is open right now.

In fact, over 60 mother makers have enrolled in this week alone.

Last year I had 200+ mother makers journey with me and we had the best time.

This is the LAST time I’ll be running this course live, alongside a live community and I’d love to invite you into it.

Check out the modules, testimonials and bonus content here

If you’re new here, Hi.

I help mothers in this transition from where they are to where they want to be within creativity, business and bringing their ideas to life.

I take women - mainly mothers, from where they are now -

Being a lone wolf in business,

disconnected from intuition, truth, self,

burnt out,

lacking creative clarity,

trying to self promote but cringing every time,

feeling the whiplash of going into work then back to children,

feeling creative tension and not understanding what to do with it,

feeling broke,

copying everyone else’s strategy and having no personal blueprint to attune to,

being controlled by limitations rather than expanded into possibility,

and we alchemise it all.

We move From the places above into

Feeling connected to a wider community of expansive dreaming mothers going after it.

Creative clarity and intuitive guidance so you ALWAYS know your next steps.

The ability to dance with their own energetics and continue to expand their own capacity so they can **actually** hold the life they dream of without sabotage, Making money and resources from their service/ creations and facing off with their inner world so they can merge

The Mother (Practical, how we mother, the constructs with mother within, and the ways we think we should mother)

The Mystic (Intuition, connection to our vision and ability to be intuitively guided through our business. Call In clients, opportunities, and experiences that help us grow)

and

The maker (Our creative process, understanding what limits us and what liberates us.)

This, to me, is Alchemy.

Come and check out all the modules, the bonus content and many testimonials from previous mother makers who journeyed through Art of Alchemy with me.

YES there are payment plans, partial and full scholarships too.

Come see AOA here