Ritual, Alters & Playlists

Birth rituals for Rafi, Tully and Myself...

Ritual, Birth Alters and Playlists

Hello friends, 

In this publication I’ll be sharing about

-The little rituals we are doing to assist in the transition into a family of 3 to 4. 

-Some being for Rafi, and the ways we are supporting him into understanding birth and become a big brother.

-Some rituals being for me as mama (For example, sharing photos and discussing my birth alter) and other ways I support myself in preparing for birth

- Some for Tully including the importance of a father blessing. 

-Also sharing my birth playlist link. (And discussing how I choose my one, or maybe three playlists for brith)

Enjoy!

There’s a lot of prep that can go into birthing. 

Depending on your circumstances, location and access to community - It looks different for us all. 

Prep can be practical - with a list of things you want to buy to make birth and life with baby as easeful as possible.

There’s emotional prep, getting yourself, your partner, and any other kids in the home ready for an initiation and transition. 

There’s mental prep - as the mother, getting your head out of the rest of life and letting the birth brain take hold. 

There’s spiritual prep - in the sense of connecting to life, feeling receptive to life, to love, to pleasure and allowing that to change you. 

For our family, yes we have a list of “things” we need for a home birth. Our pool got dropped off this week. It’s not blown up yet (Am I in denial?)

But it does represent to me an opening of a portal in time. 

I’ve been ordering online.. Tinctures, herbs, massage oils. 

Tul’s off to find me an exercise ball with Rafi as we speak. 

But our “main” prep has actually been relational prep. 

A huge focus has been on Rafi. I acknowledge his relationship with me is about to morph. His relationship with Tully will also morph. He will have a new sibling to learn to relate to.

I know that even for children, they miss important rites of passages, that assist in their transition into a new world. It can be hard to know what to do or how to best support them through these times as many of us weren’t supported either and have very little anchor points for what it looks and feels like.

Every child is different, and attuning to Raf, I know what he really thrives and values 1:1 present time. He doesn’t mind social gatherings etc, but I do find that often at home with multiple people In the space, it’s as if he doesn’t know where to plug into (little projector). So that also has me assuming that the reality of sharing mum and dad for the rest of his entire life *could* be a lot for him initially.

His and my little hobby to do together is to watch birth videos on YouTube.

We’ve done this consistently since he was about 18 months old and he has full comprehension of what’s going on. 

He’s often ask me, “Can we watch babies be born?”. 

This, to me, is beautiful because I believe it’s so important to be honest with life and death with children - of course, in age appropriate ways. 

My pop passed away from cancer, Rafi knows that his body got old and sick and died, but his spirit lives in our hearts now. 

He knows that babies start in the womb, they grow. 

That most babies are born through the vagina, some come through the womb and belly. 

He understands that babies can normally be born at home, and jump straight into a nice warm bed. Though sometimes they need some help and might go to the hospital. 

He knows that the placenta feeds the baby and is the babies best friend. 

That birthing a baby can be sometimes quiet and sometimes really noisy. 

That it’s normal for blood and poo and liquid “waters” to come out. 

He knows it can hurt but it’s not a bad hurt. It’s a good hurt. 

I feel like showing him visual examples over and over again has really helped him get his head around how babies actually get here. 

I often wonder about the subtle disconnect of mama waddling off to the hospital with a big belly, and returning a day or two later with a babe in arms. How wild must that seem to a toddler with little context as to how that actually happened.

My main point here though, is that yes of course a rite of passage into bleeding as a preteen or young teenager SHOULD be normal, but it’s not. 

A rite of passage into motherhood or fatherhood SHOULD be normal, and though becoming more popular to be held in some sort of ceremony, I would absolutely say it’s not yet normal by any means.

I also believe the rite of passage into becoming a big sibling, SHOULD be normal - though it’s not. 

So, what are we doing for Raf’s transition in our family?