The Birth Films of my sons

Two home water births.... one in the forest, one by the mountain.

Friends,

Today I would love to share with you two very special films, close to my heart.

The birth films of my son Rafi River, in May 2020, at home in the forest. And my second little boy Ren Ruah, in August 2023, overlooking the mountain at sunrise.

Rafi was born in 2020, In May. Just as the world began to panic.

We surrounded our home in a bubble of birth and did not leave.

It felt safe, magic and pure. In the forest with friends dropping by to check in here and there. We sat in the morning sun in the lounge room by the fireplace each day and sipped cacao, journaling and listening to music. Those weeks leading up to his birth at 41+4 were honestly some of the most golden days of my life. There was no impatience. No concern. Simply being heavily pregnant and awaiting the biggest initiation of our lives.

Our birth together, Rafi and I, was incredibly connected, slow, and beautiful.

He woke me up to what I was capable of.

I’ve never shared his birth video publicly, only through a private link.

So for those here about to watch it, I feel really excited to show you, and also hope that this video is kept private for those who are paying readers. It’s incredibly sacred to me. I do believe we should all have more examples of birth away from hollywood.

In homes. With intimacy love, and no rush.

Though you’ll also know by reading Ren’s birth story

That I am very non dogmatic about birth.

I Believe that physiological birth, at home, surrounded by people you trust - is completely normal and *should* be an experience available to everyone.

Though I also can acknowledge that not everyone has access to resources, emotional wellbeing, or support to have that happen.

Births look different. Though we don’t (yet) live in a utopian world, I do believe that offering more examples of uninterrupted births, at home, with lots of natural oxytocin, and a team of support - however that looks - is important. Western culture has generally as a whole, has swung the pendulum away from natural home birth, and we are generations deep into normalising highly medicated, intervention full, hospital births where autonomy is generally stripped, and women are (generally) walking out with birth traumas. I know this is not the case for all births at hospitals. I know also, that not all home births are perfect either. What feels important is to not swing the pendulum too far back into complete free births for everyone - as there is too much nuance, emotional traumas, dis regulation and a system that truly lacks the village to make that path be the most thriving option for everyone. The entire fabric of society would need to be re-woven. However - I do really appreciate the work of birth workers educating and providing resources to assist in the re-wilding of birth once again. There are examples, there are choices we can make to set ourselves up for more nourishing experiences. It’s what I was searching for when I was about to become a mother. I craved exposure therapy and examples of what was possible.

Though I knew, in the end - birth is a co creation between myself,

my baby and their path,

and grace.

Birth is, inherently wild. Which means it cannot be controlled or tamed without consequence. It also means we must walk into the abyss completely. And allow ourselves to be engulfed by the flames. It’s how we meet ourselves. Truly.

I’ll also be sharing Ren’s home birth film for the first time.

We filmed Rafi’s birth ourselves with the help from our Doula, and I edited it in those first weeks post partum, which was incredibly healing to witness myself birthing.

Ren’s was filmed by our friend and photographer Cora (Coraphotography_ on instagram).

Both are beautiful in their own right but also so completely different in experience for me.

Below I’ll also share a podcast episode I had for Rafi’s birth incase you wanted the back story. I find often - how birth LOOKS vs how it FEELS are very different. I could look “in pain”, but feel very centred mentally. Or look completely calm, but going through transition.

Rafi’s birth was 7.5 hours long, and felt like a gentle and gradual build up.

I was pushing for almost an hour and ended up with a second degree tear I allowed to heal naturally without stitches.

I felt elated and happy with my birth experience with him.

At no point was I unsure If I could do it, and I had very little fear during pregnancy and in the birth prep leading up to his birth (which I’ll share more of in the podcast, including conscious conception).

Ren’s birth was 3.5 hours, and intense. I had a lot more fear during pregnancy (As i’ve shared here in previous pregnancy update posts). During labour I struggled to completely find my center like I did in Rafi’s birth. Pushing was a lot more intense and I did have thoughts of if I could do it or not. I didn’t tear with Ren and that surprised me as it felt more intense that Rafi’s birth - Though looked a lot more relaxed and peaceful!

My body went into mild shock due to the intensity and speed, and it took me 4 days to feel landed in my body again afterwards.

I wasn’t sure which birth I had preferred, as they both required different parts of me.

So though both beautiful births, each held completely different medicine. I loved them both, and feel incredibly grateful for both.

As many of you know already, and by the nature of this sort of sharing - I don’t actually want it available to anyone on the internet.

So, if you are a paying reader, I you can keep scrolling down and listen to the birth of Rafi via podcast, and view his birth film. You can also watch the birth of Ren Ruah.

Or if you aren’t yet a paying reader, I invite you to upgrade your subscription (You can’t do it in the app unfortunately, you’ll have to open this in your email browser or substack on your desktop/safari)

And you’ll be able to then scroll down and continue reading & watching.

Thank you for holding this tenderly in your palms

and sharing a big piece of my heart with me.

I’d also like to say that you can gift a subscription to a friend if you believe they would have benefit from watching these videos and listening to the stories. You can also choose to upgrade as a group subscription which will offer discount to the $9aud a month.

I’m also happy to compensate you a month free if you are truly in a position where you can’t pay. Email me at Hellokatriver@gmail.com no questions asked. x

For those ready, keep reading below