*Trusting to conceive
TW - early pregnancy loss
# Part One
Today I want to share a personal story on our journey of conscious conception & softening into trust of the journey while still making space for feelings of disappointment etc to be there.
I know most people prefer to keep these conversations private - perhaps out of self preservation, though I find a lot of value in being able to normalise the conversations around pre conception, conception, pregnancy, birth and postpartum.
I am only one person with my own experiences but I really believe it’s important to understand how diverse the experiences of becoming mother is.
I’ll be sharing the conception of #2
Signs I knew I was pregnant,
And the meditation I experienced when I knew I wasn’t pregnant anymore…
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**Trigger warning - Just like birth in unique for every woman and also for each pregnancy experience, the same woman could experience two different misscarriages completely uniquely for herself. So with that I just want to make clear that this is my personal experience with *this specific* miscarriage, at this point in time.
By no means is any of this advice on how to deal with this as an experience, as every journey has so many factors that make them so different and unique to the individual.
I just want to be able to share openly my personal experience xx
•••
Tul and I are on a journey of conscious conception.
We went down this path with conceiving Rafi too.
My communication with Rafi’s spirit was clear long before he arrived. I knew the month he would be conceived in, and I knew he would be a earth sign boy (taurean woo!)
We did 6 months of babyprep (alongside years of mental and emotional prep) to get ourselves ready and open for him.
August 2019 rolled around, which was what I had been told would be the time “august/September conception) and the month was the month.
Two weeks later, the day before my 23rd birthday we were staring in disbelief at those two dark lines.
It felt easy. Simple. I felt like we had aligned with his time line and all was well.
So, naturally, I assumed it would happen exactly that way again.
I’ve been in communication with our next baby since 2018, though strongly right after Raf was conceived and then they went quiet.
Since then I’ve had 2 strong visuals, one in a breath work session and one in a meditation, clear as day sitting on my lap as a 2 year old in a womens circle. The biggest brown eyes which I got to eyegaze in and told me her name while I sobbed and had waves of euphoria move through my body. But since then, not much communication at all.
It’s weird to me, to have such a mysterious style of communication with *her* (I say her because that’s how she appeared in the visions though I also have soft/ subtle communication with a little boy. I only assume she will come through first but idk maybe both together 😂😅)
Rafi was always so eager to visit every meditation, in my dreams, signs everywhere loud and clear.
I feel like I needed to try with this next baby.
I’m insure if it’s because I’m with a toddler most of every day so I’m just not as attuned to the spirit realms on a day to day basis,
Or if she just communicates differently.
I’ve had many intuitive hits from her which I have acted on, and I also had a spirit baby reading done which was great for confirming all my current intuitive hits and communication I’d already been in.
Originally we wanted to conceive In March 2022, though with a last minute move across the country and a tooth infection all March it really felt like the wrong time.
It felt to me like there were two portals of possibility opening up.
The March one closed as soon as we decided no- now isn’t the time.
The next opening I knew of was October….
