What would you rather…

+ lessons in the world // education at home

I’m sitting on the plane, an hour into our flight.

Raf is sleeping on my body and around my womb. I soak these moments up, even though they are somewhat uncomfortable with Tullys big jacket trying to soften the small seats and legroom situation.

This could be the last day flight he naps with me.

It’s also absolutely our last flight as a family of three.

Proud to say,

After 5 flights in the last 9 weeks, we have officially nailed the luggage and hand luggage situation. The most easeful transition onto a plane so far.

Normally a non issue, but we had packed for 3 different seasons heading to tassie, from QLD and to wa.

QLD summer, tassie cold and the shoulder season in WA.

I’ve been closing my eyes and pondering the thought

Would we rather, more support in the early post partum challenges,

But the potential of being taken out of our bubble and being distracted and not completely in our own little family rhythm…

Or less support in those early days,

And the full freedom to exist as a family of 4 with no distractions, interruptions, slowness.

I’m leaning towards the second.

Which is interesting as I’m vote one gather support especially for post partum.

Though I’m realising that due to circumstances and natural effects of us choosing to live away from family

That means our support will come from other ways, such as our beautiful community, pre preparing meals, organising bodywork etc.

I want Rafi to feel very involved of the introduction of a new baby,

He’s already so excited and randomly thanks me throughout the day

“Thank you for growing my baby mum”

“Thanks for keeping our baby safe”

*melt*

I would love to hear from others

So please feel free to share below

Though my gut feeling about this transition for us, is that it needs to be kept slow and sacred at the very least for that first two week pocket.

I don’t want to feel as though tully is trying to take Rafi out to the park each day to give me and new baby space.

I want to go slow, have the time to be able to attune to Raf and his needs while a baby sleeps. Talk to him as I feed.

It’s something I’ve begun thinking/feeling about a lot

Especially as we have secured a home, it’s immediately opened up my visioning as I can clearly picture how family life and birth can look within a physical place now.

I’m very visual like that. I need to picture where the pool will go, where I can labor, the windows, the deck.

I feel wildly excited to make a home for my family. It feels like such a gift to be able to do that and absolutely a love language to be able to craft a nest that holds us all.

AND I’m wildly excited to birth.

That excitements only come on recently.

When I first became pregnant, even though it was intentional and planned, there was also a wave of anxiety around having to go through it all again.

Not birth itself

But the entire emotional mental physical transformation

It’s like I’m still fatigued from the first time around.

The crumbling and the becoming.

Though as this baby grows, so does my anticipation and my willingness to lean into the challenge and also make space for the possibility that it could, very well, feel a lot lighter in many ways.

That’s what I love most about birthing children into this world.

Just how much of a metamorphis and chrysalis it is.

The most fertile time for inevitable transformation.

None of us escape it

And though there is absolutely challenge

Or change

Or grief

Or beauty

It’s just one of those things we have to move through to become the women and mothers we are here to be

And I get high off that.

I feel so lucky to have a guaranteed portal into new places within myself, a guaranteed tunnel though to new beingness.

A complete hero’s journey.

I’ve also been reflecting on how learning for our kids absolutely happens out in the world and how we cannot always protect them or micromanage what they learn in the external world, BUT that education happens within the home.

Yesterday I was trying to get Raf down for a midday nap. He’s started refusing them though still very clearly needing them.

I prefer not to have him just crash out at 4pm after skipping a day nap mainly because it means he wants to party until 10pm and it’s more of a self preservation on my part.

So if he skips, then the deal is, he’s awake until 6pm and then he falls asleep.

Yesterday I was adamant he would sleep. Whether he wanted to or not.

(Spoiler: he didn’t)

But I still lay there with him for close to two hours giving it my best shot.

During this time we went through a rollercoaster of emotions together,

And I found it really interesting Raf kept asking me

“Mummy are you happy with me?

Are you happy with me mum?”

I was initially confused as that’s not the sort of vocabulary we use in our little family.

Never has raf been worried if he’s upsetting me in the past, and nor should he. He’s a toddler and I’m an adult who can deal with her own emotional regulation.

I assumed it’s due to being around so many different people the last couple of months and he’s picked up on the fact that behavior may trigger someone…

That’s what he’s learned in the outside world.

Something that he does - not only can cross a boundary but also really upset someone he loves and possibly mean they aren’t happy with him.

this breaks my heart a little because it’s always been important to me to raise him knowing that his actions and behaviours are not who he is as a person and in his heart.

He isn’t a naughty boy, or good or bad etc.

He’s Rafi.

He’s beautiful

And kind and creative and helpful.

Empathetic and loving and has a big beautiful heart

AND

Sometimes there are some things that he may do that could have a natural consequence OR may need to have a boundary.

Anyway, while he was trying to get to sleep, he kept asking me if I was happy with him.

He was testing what he had learned in the outside world.

My job was to EDUCATE him,

So I told him

“Rafi, right now mummy is feeling a bit frustrated because I’m tired, and I would love it if you could help me so we both sleep.

But it’s very important that you know…

No matter what, I love you. Even if I’m frustrated, I still love you. Even if I’m sad, I still love you. I love you when I’m happy, I love you when I’m angry, I love you when I’m tired, I love you when I’m with you and even when I’m not with you. I love you every day, and every night. There’s nothing you could do to make me not love you.

I ALWAYS love you.

And right now I’m feeling frustrated AND I love you!”

A huge grin spread across his face. His eyes lit up and he said

“Woah mummy…. That’s a lotta love.”

“Thank you so much mummy!!”

And his entire tune changed. From emotional rollercoaster, he shifted into a placid, happy, helpful mood.

His communication went from a wingey type of voice to clear and precise regarding what he needed to relax.

“Mummy can you please tell me a story”

“Oh mum, can you pause the story, I’m so super thirsty I just need a drink”

“Ok mum you can keep telling my the story now, thank you”

My whole tone shifted from frustration to admiration and feeling proud of him.

And it showed me more evidence that his education happens here, at home with us, in real life, every day moments.

I won’t ever be able to protect or dictate what he learns in the big world

But I LOVE that he will feel loved, like his needs are being met, that he isn’t “too much”, and that he is heard and respected at home.

That if there is rupture, there will always be repair, and that he can make sense of the lessons he learns out there, in here, within the home.

We arrive at the sunny coast this evening and I’m peaceful in my heart with a sense of home.

We view and move into our new house tomorrow for the first time.

I’ve got a whole list of Substack publications I’m wanting to write about though life has been wildly busy lately I’m looking forward to slowness and spaciousness and to share intimately our journey over the next few months throughout pregnancy, birth, postpartum, home making, guiding a toddler,

Recalibrating ourselves as a couple and individually. Loving on our community. And receiving our lives.

There is TWO MORE DAYS to buy and download the parenting bundle if you are interested in having access to 98+ resources. Many ranging from $25-50 on their own, and all together in this bundle you can get them for $50usd.

You likely won’t use them all at once, though I can totally understand information overwhelm.

Though I do encourage you to get them, especially if you’re the sort of person who likes to gift information and resources to friends, or when life throws something at you (Rafi developing a grief cold the last 3 days. I say grief cold because I know he’s sad to leave family. Grief lives in the lungs.

And his cough has just developed with no other symptoms). I was able to go straight to my email, download the herbal remedies and natural remedies books, see that kakadu plum and elderberry and echinacea would be best for him.

Went straight to a health food shop, got a tea, could read about dosage for a toddler

And I made him a kakadu plum tea which is one of the highest naturally occurring amounts of Vit C, also known as a miracle plant.

One last night, one this morning, and I’m already seeing a huge difference.

Again, it was a resource I was happy to have but didn’t think I’d use anytime soon and then only 3 days later here we are

I’ve also loved the healing tooth decay for kids one. Especially the German new medicine aspects of it talking about emotional links to different types of decay.

There’s also a gardening with kids book I’ll be downloading once we get to our new home,

And a raising happy and confident children in this world one that I can already resonate with and I’m excited to read.

This bundle was only avail from 10th of May until the 20th (usa) so until midday on the 21ST for western Australians.

10am for east coast aussies.

11.59pm for New York.

then it goes back to its original value price of over $5000 for all or $25-50 for just one book.

I think it’s insane value and the reason I’m promoting it it mainly because I don’t know when another bundle for intentional parenting is coming and therefore I want you to all have an opportunity to get it, or gift it, or use it or bank it.

I’m affiliated with it also, which means every bundle purchased and enjoyed supports our little family and birthing vision in the coming months too, so thank you!!

Link:

https://parentingbundle.com/

Love Kat