Woven & Relationship rebirth

Life update

Rising charts. #73 in Parenting.

Odd, because I don’t write about parenting.

Double odd, because I haven’t written in weeks and weeks.

Life has been full.

I attempt to hold myself with grace and create at a more sustainable pace because I truly believe motherhood and making can co-exist but not in the ways we’ve been taught.

I unravel guilt from my shoulders that has them curling over, as if Substack weighs the weight of my 21 month old son and lives between my shoulder blades.

I shake it off.

Little by little.

“People are subscribed. They are waiting on you.”

But they are not. They are not waiting for empty content for the sake of getting a weekly post out.

They are not waiting for marketing strategies and 5 steps to grow a business as a mum.

They are waiting for depth. For truth.

They are waiting for an example of building something meaningful without scarfing the little people who mean the most. Without sacrificing sanity or overstepping internal boundaries.

They want to see that it can be done.

and so-

In my world, there is no rush.

I trust you know that. I trust you want that for yourself too. I’ll be here when I have something to say.

So here I am, ironically though, with no voice - literally. It disappeared the other day, and hasn’t come back.

I couldn’t even parent the boys for two days.

Raf did, however get great at turning his five year old ears on supersonic listening power and hearing every strained whisper coming out of me.

It disappeared the night I was supposed to co-host Woven.

Our debut of our women’s only spoken word poetry night.

Yes, it was as delicious as it sounds.

I stood up there in front of close to fifty women, with a rusty voice some thought sounded sexy, but I just said that it hurt. Because it did.

The next day it was gone completely.

Back to Woven for a hot second because - wow.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Put women in a room together,

and give them a stage… and see the magic that erupts.

Like a volcano,

Slowly at first….

Bit by bit, you feel the rumbling. The earth begins to quiver.

Then it happens.

The crowd picks their collective jaw up from the floor and try to get comfortable in the full body tingles that don’t go away.

Poetry - Heals.

In my “very educated” opinion on healing.

It’s simple.

Witnessing other women in their heart, vulnerability and secret stories,

Having a glimpse into the window of their soul, and having the realisation it looks the same as your own…

heals.

It removes shame, judgement, dogma.

It strips back surface level chit chat and gets straight to the core.

A woman yearns for a baby, for years of praying her body conceives.

A woman weeps as the father of her children tries to make sense of his cancer diagnosis.

A woman challenges societal expectations about time, while grieving the passing of it.

One woman claims space for all women, for the understanding of women, the reclamation of women, the duality of women.

A woman speaks to injustice, and women safety, and mens mental health.

Another cries as she remembers letting go of a baby.

The room is changed.

By simply laying witness to women’s truth.

I’ll include some photos here of WOVEN. You can click to enlarge. All photos carefully taken by Cora from Cora Photography on Instagram. She was also my birth photographer and knows how to be a flower on the wall of a place. Highly recommend if you are Local enough to the Sunshine Coast.

We don’t currently have another event planned but it does feel like this would be beautiful to create for the community seasonally.

I’m moving through new layers of self right now (aren’t we all?)

New layers of marriage.

What does it mean to me to be married? When we leave rules and expectations behind.

We would have gotten married with a non official ceremony happily. We didn’t get the government involved for religious reasons, just legal ones because we believed it would be better for building a life together.

We always knew marriage could mean anything to us.

Relationships are individual entities and have an entire life form of their own. No two are the same.

We have never settled for a role mate style of relationship with gender norms. We’ve always seen ourselves as a unit and everyone simply pulls their weight with the intention of connection.

Sometimes that looks like Tully on the dishes, and I’m breastfeeding. Sometimes it looks like him working and I’m with the kids. The following week I may do a 20k launch and he’s with the kids all week. Tully does the cooking because I’m generally bad at it. I’m not that interested in being great at cooking so this works.

I generally make the home beautiful because I enjoy it - and he doesn’t really care to do it himself.

We are both fully responsible for the kids wellbeing and emotional health. Not a 50/50 split. It’s 100% and 100%. We are both responsible for making income though it often acts more like a seesaw with being self employed, He needs to rest - I get to work. I need to rest - he gets to work. This is good for us in this season where we are both needing a lot of rest while raising two big energy boys.

So when I talk about reimagining a marriage, I see it more as a personal agreement between lovers.

What do we each need to feel seen, loved, valued and like ourselves?

What do we both desire in order to feel more play, more intimacy, more romance?

What do we need as a base line for self care? For filling our cup as human beings seperate from each other.

I feel as though our relationship as it is currently, is ready for a big recalibration. All the little bits and pieces that get quietly swept under the rug in the early years of parenting. The small conversations that don’t get completed due to a child crying or it’s now past 11pm. Many things never a big issue but as time goes on, needs evolve and change. We are required to change with it.

So, As you can imagine,

A relationship rebirth is taking up a lot of brain space. It’s one of those pivotal limbo moments that you look back on as a moment in time that changed the trajectory of life. We went through the same thing when Rafi was Rens age - so about 1.5-2years old. There’s something about the intensity of this time of parenting that has us loose our balance too. We just know the path to be able to pick it all back up and remould it, reshape it, and breathe new life into it… Which is currently in process.

We are evolving in relationship but also with work. I have two muses calling to me, and almost daily I am being pulled towards one or the other. Both hold incredibly unique intentions for the world… Both will take a lot of energy to build into something… So I’m nesting on my energy. Building it and getting ready.

More to come on that soon but I’m waiting for my muses to reveal information and timelines for me to act on. As you do when you’re a mother maker. (If you did AOA or read my "$100,000 intuitive hits" post.)

That’s all in today’s update. Lots of love to all of you and hopefully I’ll be back soon but for now honouring my hermit energy in my 2/4 human design profile because it’s the only way I can refine my craft and direction and bring back a fuller version of my self as a creator xxx

Kat