"Don't forget where you came from"

Are we loyal to our past? Or loyal to our future? Can both exist?

“I don’t believe we have to go back and live AS our roots, or the same AS our ancestors, or recreate our childhood in order to experience depth and deeper self connection, 

But I do believe if we cut off that connection entirely and try to replant in a new life, no matter how beautiful, there will always be a part of ourselves starved of sustenance. 

If we try to leave it all behind and write an entirely new story, we deprive ourselves of the honest gift of who we are. Our unique and cosmic mashup of life experiences, emotion, memories, dreams, visions, relationships, learnings. Everything that has us perceiving life in the way that we do.

Hello friends,

I am currently visiting family in Western Australia. Tully, myself and our two boys live in the Sunshine Coast of Queensland Australia. We moved away from Western Australia at the very start of 2022, and try to come back a couple of times a year.

The last few days have been full of travel and some quality family time so I didn’t get a single moment to write this week, so I’d like to share with you something I wrote a while ago - that many of you who are new here would have missed, and the reason I’m sharing this exact piece is because it’s a theme I’m currently exploring in my own life again. I have edited and changed aspects of this to be totally relevant to now.

Enjoy xx

Right now, in this tiny little snapshot of my life, 

We live in a beautiful cottage overlooking a mountain on the Sunshine Coast. We are surrounded by a valley, and the sunsets take my breath away each night. I became a chicken mum, to Elma, Hattie, Maple, Daisy, Orange and Fluffymellow. We birthed our second son here only 5 months ago in the lounge room while the moon set over the mountain.

Noosa itself is absolutely of the overall demographic of “upper class’ when you look at it through a socioeconomic lens. There isn’t a huge amount of diversity, It’s pretty whitewashed and it does pull in a lot of tourism with it’s stunning beaches. 

As you branch out into the country things to begin to morph a little. Even 15 minutes from the coast.

It’s interesting to me because zooming in on this pinpoint of my life, I can enjoy it.

I can appreciate the beauty, and I can live a life I find joy in. 

We have met beautiful people, lived in beautiful places, adventured and explored, and have access to alternative style of care for Rafi, Fresh produce and lots of nature.

Though as I zoom out I can recognise this pinpoint is such a small blip in the entirety of my story. It weaves into the whole, and possibly brings a glimmer of it’s own flavour to who I am, a part of our life in the hinterlands here will be with me forever as something that has changed me…but this point of my life is also vastly different to the rest of my life. 

I often find myself conflicted with the newness of everything. 

What I mean by that is that, I’m someone who is very grateful for my ability (and privilege, and courage, and focus) to be able to follow my curiosities. 

I love that in todays world especially though the online space, we get exposed to so many dreams and options that we can reflect on. 

Overall I believe it can be too overwhelming (Use THESE parenting hacks. THIS is how you be a gentle parent, wait no, THIS is how. Heres the NEWEST science… hey travel here, and here, but not here. This is what heath is, THIS is what health is, Wait that superfood is now actually toxic etc)

On the flip side it’s beautiful to be exposed to new things that may spark interest and curiosity that we possibly wouldn’t have found otherwise. We can imagine ourselves in different lives, try it on for a moment, and decide where we want to guide our experiences next.

I for one am grateful that the unschool homeschool communities are micro trending at this point in time, even though the nature of it has been around forever. I’m grateful there are so many people to follow with the philosophies, who are documenting their journeys and sharing openly as it has helped me confirm how many of my own dreams are true and valid options. I’m grateful for specific eco brands to be trending, because I’m waring the most comfy legging right now because of it. 

I’m grateful to have been exposed to open ended toys and more crunchy ways of living because had social media not existed, I wonder when or if  I would have found them. 

However, within following curiosities often, I can notice that there is a lack of roundedness, a lack of roots into the earth, a lack of my own flavour within it. It feels very explorative and from a sense of innocence.

It’s more of an adoption of an idea, try it on for a while, and discard if it doesn’t fit - This is honestly a good thing because the trial and error stage is an important part of our development as people. I also have lived experience that only doing that, doesn’t offer a depth that I know I crave, and others likely do too. 

It’s like parenting Rafi in new ways and trying new skills and phrases with him. Some fit well, really align and become a part of us. Some feel foreign on my tongue. I don’t want Rafi to not FEEL ME, through the words. I don’t want him to be parented like the perfect gentle parenting textbook but have no honest anchor of our family, values and tone and flavour to come back to. 

Of course people find their own rhythm with this, and even though my own upbringing wasn’t squeaky clean (as most of ours weren’t), Something I look back on and appreciate is that I could tell my mum apart from every other mum with ease. I don’t mean physically, I mean I could FEEL her. Even when she got upset or angry or when she way joyful, Her frustration, her joy, her snort laugh, her breakdowns, were all her own. She wasn’t parenting me through trends and what was right for that year of my life. She was simply responding to our unique relationship (x6 with the other kids too). 

I want that for Rafi. I want him to feel my roots. Of course, while I develop and connect with healthy ways of navigating things. My ROOTS come from me, the deeper parts. Not the traumas, or would up nervous systems etc, but my imperfections, my dreams, my deeper value systems, the truth of who I am - As a human being.

I think perhaps this is where the personal development an self help industry missed the mark. It became about healing the past, neutralising your life, then creating from a totally blank slate and turning yourself into something new.

The example here is: 

The CURIOSITY looks more like attempting to perfectly follow an ideal because the culture of that ideal sparked curiosity, aligned with values so now I want to be “one of them” *insert gentle parent*

VS

The ROOTS looks more like being honest, responding in the moment,  YES unpacking conditioning and generational overflow but ALSO honouring where we came from and the gifts in the values we live by. HONEST emotion. Honest feeling. And honest communication. Not abandoning it all in order to be the perfect parent.

Sometimes I yell. I always apologise. That to me has more depth and truth (personal opinion maybe). Because I would hate for Rafi to believe that I’m perfect. 

Another example I want to use is how I live.

Back to the beautiful home in the Noosa hinterland. 

This circumstance of our life stemmed from curiosity (what would it be like to live in the sunny coast. What would it be like to start fresh. What would it be like to explore a new place, make friends, live in this climate etc)

We were actually open to anywhere from northern rivers through to Noosa and we just, by chance or fate ended up here. 

The CURIOSITY: Is that it’s beautiful. Aesthetically, and of course with the lifestyle. The climate, the community, the access to fresh food, fruit, veg, cafe culture, events etc. 

The curiosity allows me to enjoy this right now. 

BUT

My ROOTS: Are embedded in the rustic. In small country towns is where I feel most at home, in nature, and around children. I like having a cup of tea in someones messy home in a little tidied sunny corner we can snuggle into. 

I like the bush, and the slow life. That’s where I’ve come from and what sits best on my heart. 

I like the tropics and culture due to also growing up on the islands. There’s something about that - that feels home too.

When I don’t live in that way, there feels like a gap. Not a gap in values, but a gap in how they are being experienced.

Even though our life in Noosa ticks a lot of boxes, and FEELS beautiful, 

It also lacks some of my roots, as though I chopped them off when I got here.

As though I said to myself, New place, New me. I can re-create myself here.

I enjoy who I am, and there is a subtle disconnect that requires some self acknowledgement.

 

This sub stack post is about being able to weave our roots through the newness of our lives. 

I don’t believe we have to go back and Live AS our roots, or AS our ancestors, or AS our childhood in order to experience depth, 

But I do believe if we cut them off and try to replant in a new life, no matter how beautiful, there will always be a part of ourselves starved of sustenance. 

If we try to leave it all behind and write an entirely new story, we deprive ourselves of the honest gift of who we are. 

And our story gets lost. 

So I’ve been sitting with the questions, What are the parts of me that are my roots? What are the parts of me that have woven foundations in who I am. What are the parts of my story that have grown roots later. What is fleeting, and based in curiosity rather than long term honest embodiment. 

I’m not talking about our woundings, this is a different conversation, though that one is important. 

I’m talking about the ESSENCE of our life this far, 

The strings that weave through our cells all the way back to when we were born. 

I’m talking about the subtleties of our life lived that alters the flavour we taste. The things that have us see the world in our own way. 

The loving of rustic antique furniture because you grew up with it VS seeing it in a styling mag and jumping on the trend. 

The love of neutral colours because your grandma wore them, not because you’ve been subliminal messaged by instagram that it’s hot. 

These are the things that literally create who we are. Our story. It’s why we choose to live the way we do and it’s what adds value and substance to our own lives and others who are around us.

What, in your life, is YOURS and what is possibly borrowed?

Of course, sometimes the borrowed curiosities, grow their roots and embed into the tapestry of you. 

It’s all important.

But what are your roots? What are they feeding from? 

What do you truly love when the trends and distractions dissolve and morph fall into the next? 

How can I tell YOU apart? 

The questions of,

What are the unique flavours only I have a taste for? 

Then

Can I welcome newness, new experiences, explore new identities WHILE threading myself through it properly, rather than abandoning myself every time I want life to change?

How can I experience my roots within the newness of my life? While I explore my curiosities and enjoy what life has to offer me, how do I weave myself through it all, and not loose sight of my roots? 

A beautiful home in Noosa, isn’t ME. Though that’s presenting right now as a part of my story. 

A modern home, like the one we first moved into in Noosa, is a lovely experience to have and there is a part of me that likes to enjoy nice things, luxuries.

Of course.

AND

what feels more happy in my heart is a rustic cottage on a farm with big shady trees and animals and children - because those are my roots. 

It’s not about coming BACK to childhood, it’s about enjoying the nostalgia of the body. 

It’s not about rejecting new experiences like living in a different way, but finding opportunities to co create it with more of ourselves.

It’s not about going BACK to live an old life, but how to HONOUR these themes in my current one. 

A great example for me is that even though I appreciate low tox living, eco products supplements etc

I give myself space to be curious about it all, research, learn, implement. Some of it will become roots in my life or in Rafi’s of course…

But I will never stop reaching up and grabbing the leaves of the peppermint trees EVERY SINGLE TIME I walk by them, bending down in front of Rafi, crunching it in between my forefinger and thumb, and both of us having the biggest inhale of natural peppermint. That’s the roots. No essential oil in the diffuser will beat that for me. 

I’ll also drink the hot chocolate (with mushrooms) because I grew up on milo (showing my Australianness right now) and its nostalgic joy.

I’ve been thinking of home, lifestyle, style, aesthetics a lot. Especially as we have an impending move ahead. 

Of course I’ve been on Pinterest and have a billion things saved. 

A billion trends.
A billion aesthetic homes. 

I could choose to live in one and it not feel like home. 

So I’ve been reflecting, what feels like home for me?

It’s being around a lot of children in the community. Hearing the laughter through the streets soothes my nervous system. 

It’s being messy, creating art outside, snacking on fruit. 

Having movie nights, and having a home filled with treasures. Maybe they don’t all go together, and they all mix and match, but that ruggedness is something that I appreciate. 

What I’m thinking of things I want to CREATE such as a children’s book, or my poetry book, or painting, or ceramics, or eventually a wonderful magical airbnb somewhere special… 

All those things will be new experiences, but HOW can I pull forward my roots and wrap them around? 

I think about how, I have forever loved characters, fairies, mythical creatures, stories. I can see my roots that were forgotten finding their way back to me as I am now telling Rafi stories before bed. 

I love old English writing, old books, worlds made up in the minds eye. All things mystical. 

I’ve always loved caring for animals, though again, forgotten roots - I haven’t cared for an animal for years and years now. 

I have roots in beach shacks with driftwood as the entry way, hanging glass balls and shells. 

Salty breeze. I have roots in a little farmhouse, surrounded by fruit trees, kangaroos and hills. 

I have roots in a big family, children, creativity and art

Roots in education, entrepreneurship, deep conversations with family.

I have roots in music though again, they have been dormant.

I have roots from my father and his parents from Kenya, my grandparents house filled with African art, and stories and photos. 

I have roots that is muddy feet, being naked, reading, making, exploring, being in trees, making cubbies. I won’t have those be lost. 

I have roots in the tropics, with small surf towns and shells lining my bedroom window frame.

How do I translate my honest self, experiences, roots, and stories to Rafi, so he knows ME, not just trends I’ve consumed on socials. 

So he can truly feel his mother? 

Therefore feel grounded to create his own roots.

Right now a focus of mine is creating space for harmony to exist between my curiosities, and the newness of life as it is, and as it’s becoming, alongside allowing my roots infuse my everyday life. 

Naturally being home with my family does that. I can experience the juxtaposition of the life I have created, and the life I have come from. Both have beauty and both have aspects I would change. Both - a part of me.

I want to bring forward where I’ve come from with an endearing respect and honour for my story, while simultaneously still weaving it because it’s ever evolving, and days I haven’t yet lived - Will be a part of my story to come.

It’s my love of the bonfire smoke in the evenings through the valley that lights my heart up.
It’s running barefoot everywhere without any concern for insects, creepy crawlies or how hard the underside of my feet have become and that I should get something to sort it out. 

It’s feeling balmy softly humid nights while the salt breeze blows past.

It’s eating fish on the veranda dad just caught while we listen to the waves crash and a storm roll in. 

It’s staying up late under sheet cubbies, books and torches.

Why don’t I do that at 8pm with Rafi instead of getting him to bed tonight?

It’s open spaces, and chatting to the old farmer down the street who’s been here for 3 generations. 

It’s childhood friends I haven’t caught up with in years and reminiscing on stories. 

It’s the way I love, like my mother taught me, not how social media taught me. 

It’s the way I play, in response to Rafi, not in the methods that experts “suggest” are right. 

It’s how whenever I stand on a tennis court in the evening I think of my pop and evenings running around those lines under the lights. 

Or how I get a wave of nausea and nervousness when I step foot into a sporting stadium from my years of netball, volleyball, and sprints. 

It’s so many things that others may never understand within me but it’s my job to bring it out into my life and connect to the depth that those experiences bring. 

It’s my job to allow those stories, those core memories, those loves and roots to hold me, while I branch out into the unknown. 

So I’d love you to explore this with me below.

What are you curious about? What are you exploring? What is NEW for you

AND

How do you bring yourself and your roots into that experience so that it feels more grounded and wholesome to you?

I’ll leave mine in the comments below for our next adventure…

L - R , My grandparents home when they moved to Australia from Kenya. This is where my dad grew up and where many of my own memories live.

The 31ft motorhome we traveled the USA and Canada in as a family of 9, note- no social media meant no aesthetics haha!

Sunset on the islands.

My grandmother in Africa.

The 50m waterslide my dad made on our farm.

Cosleeping with my little brother.

My dad and I as a toddler.

Siblings eating lunch at my grandparents little beach shack.