Yes yes yes!! Oh I could have a WHOLE conversation on all of this and I feel like... because I know I won’t have any more babies... that I am so ready to embrace all the different identities I’ve always wanted to try on. I want more tattoos and more piercings... I’ve dabbled with getting lashes like you say even though I don’t put makeup on most days... but I also want to wear red lipstick on a pre school pick up and switch out the leggings and baggy jumper look for something more stylish. I love to shake things up on my life and I have felt that sense of boredom especially this year having kind of stayed on one identity since I had my first daughter in 2019. I’m so here for adventure and exploring and if my husband said to me next week let’s sell the house and explore the world in a camper van I would say... game on!! (He won’t... he is very much NOT on that wavelength). I do struggle with sometimes wanting to leap and burn things to the ground because I enjoy the newness and starting things! There are soooo many identities I feel like I’m yet to explore and that’s exciting! X
Oh Kat we are absolutely in the same boat right now!!!!!! I am not a mother but I resonate with this journey completely. Since the pandemic I have been fully nourishing my spiritual, gentle, inner resourced side -- and now I have been feeling a reawakening of my fire, venturing out into the world again, exploring my sensuality, my sexuality, my identity and everything in between. Giving myself to laugh big and love loud and just let my wild child side out again. This is true balance and the shake up our soul needs every once in a while. Thank you for the beautiful permission slip your writing always gives the rest of us 💝💋🎀☄️ I can’t wait to see what unfolds for us!!!! 🤤
I looove this! One of my favourite things to do as a kid was dress up AND I've never been able to hold an identity. Feeling like each one sheds as I grow and how that happens so rapidly. I hear people say that consistency and commitment is what makes you (especially in the business spaces) but what if the opposite is also true? Who made that rule anyway! Isn't life about discovering, learning and expressing our authenticity? How do we do that if we feel trapped in the box of an identity that most of us probably didn't choose from a space of heart connection and more so the overpowering loudness of the mind that says "oh I should be this". Great timing for this post as I've been in the realm between staying the course that i feel like my flame for has died and leaning into change again - I'm going to approach it like a dress up party! How liberating and fun! Thank you xx
Loving all this to contemplate and think it’s so important to reflect on areas where you may have boxed yourself in or your ways of being are limiting you from trying new things.
I feel like being a mama has been my change up and chaos and I’m loving flowing with what it is bringing out of me currently... so just flowing with it! But I can concur, I’ve always been one to “listen to my body” “go slow” (still love slow always haha), and not exercise other then slow yin yoga and walking... but I announced I want to be STRONG and have lots of energy.... I’m entering my “Pilates fit era” ~ walking with you to there hehe xxxx
Love how much I could relate to this! In my experience, long lasting boredom is probably the most certain sign that I am living out of tune with myself. It also correlates with my screen time. The more I’m bored, the more I scroll. The more I scroll, the more bored I am (on and off screen). They feed each other. Is there a difference between existential boredom and distracted-screen-addict-boredom? I think there probably is. Anyway, substack is a nice place to check in on how distracted I am from moment to moment as it demands a higher degree of attention span
I loved this exploration Kat (I also very much enjoyed the visual photographical exploration of you in all your eras). I say pink hair must make a come back and I’ll absolutely be an accountability partner if you ever think it’s a good idea to get a bob (I feel and understand the mistake in this on a cellular level).
I really resonated with the micro-decisions -- I think boredom can be gently engulfed by the opportunities found in the little decisions. I always feel it starts with the way we make our beds or the outfit we decide upon for the day. Why not wear night wear as day wear?
Why not take the long route?
Why not book the over nighter because whim says so?
Why not move to Spain?
This whole piece had me saying “yep”.
Loved it. Thanks again for always sharing honestly and in a way that feels like it came straight from mind / heart to paper purely as it landed within you.
The first word I wanted to say was, "Yes!" I got curious and noticed many people here thought the same. Everything in here was so relatable, but for the past five weeks, I have never felt more excited about myself––you already know why.
I was bored with the side of myself that held onto the familiar, analyzed instead of felt, and worried about things that might never happen.
One new experience I'm looking forward to is renting out my apartment and travelling around with a Caravan. Except, part of me also wants a child. Would it be insane to have a first child while travelling around in a Caravan (something I have never done)? Am I using the word "insane" because of societal constructs?
Sometimes, it feels like society's rules build my ego, and when I let go of my ego and listen to what I truly want, all doubts and frustrations go away. Still, pragmatism is important. I want to know the reality before I get lost in my caravan family fantasy. Any tips?
Ah my love, what can I say. We are just so similar in that way haha also feel free to call anytime you wish to want to cut your hair again. I did the same. Only once and Chris now reminds me every single year when I’m in my “I want a change, I think I’ll cut my hair again” not to do it haha I love the conversation around different identities and things we can try on for the simple act of just trying something new. I’m writing about a similar topic at the moment so have enjoyed your take on it. I think the change of identity can be something so scary for people, letting go of the old and inviting the new with full trust - it’s big. Even if it’s something as little as a fringe cut (which I’m doing again btw haha). It’s something I love about our family and the relationship between Chris and I, there's always a surprise, from either of us. There’s always one of us coming up with this huge idea and the other one trusting and saying “fuck it, let’s do it”. That’s how we got here in the first place. And also with the realisation that it can all change again tomorrow, that nothing is fixed, nothing is linear. Everything in life flows and if we resist that flow because of fear, or worry we block all the goodness and juiciness awaiting. Let’s book an appointment at the hair dresser haha big love mama
While i am so grateful for all of the layers that have shed throughout the years, I sometimes look at myself and wonder “who the fuck is she?!”. Very little people have stuck around for all the versions, could probably count them on one hand, but who is to say all that dropped weren’t the ones too afraid to drop the layers themselves!
I’m in it again right now, who am i, who do i wish to become..again? Who is here ready to take the chains off. While I live and breathe the softness.. i often don’t live in my feminine - so femininity is a big theme coming up to play with and I’m excited for her 🌸 also really wanting to drop the messaging and get my lash extensions back.. because they made me feel alive!
One thought that popped up in my head was “ok, but at what point is constant drastic change of identity its own form of coping mechanism, a sort of flight response?”. Even as I thought it I knew this to be a question that comes deep from some belief systems I have adapted. I’m going to explore this further.
I’ve recently sat with mushroom medicine for the first time and the overarching theme that came up for me was in fact “I’m bored” and I kept saying over and over again to my fellow circle women that they better hit me with a new story, a new pattern, something I haven’t heard and seen and smelled a million times already.
When I saw the title of your letter pop up I was very intrigued.
Yes. This is very relatable. I like blowing things up and putting things back together from the ashes, and this next year things are just working, and I am bored most of the time
Beautiful post Kat. Interesting contemplations during motherhood - feels like such a morphing time with each ‘phase’ of my daughter I feel a new ‘self’ emerge. I wonder how many cocoons are on the floor of my mothering journey haha
"To throw ourselves into the fire and see who walks out." - LOVE THIS.
"Though through a humbling pregnancy that didn’t feel as connected spiritually, I learned I could still birth powerfully, even with fear. That I didn’t have to be fearless to birth. And I didn’t have to be constantly tapped in intuitively to be receiving guidance. " - LOVE THIS.
"I could choose to keep my heels in the ground and remain loyal to identities that HAD served me up until this point. OR...." - NEEDED THIS.
"I reflect on my resistance to exercise over the last 7 years" - MAYBE I CAN HELP? *I'll be writing a piece on this soon (this = resistance to exercise) for my Actionable Anxiety publication. Resistance to exercise is a BIG topic for me that I love chatting about*. I'm happy to make a note to send to you if you would like.
"Do I truly want to subscribe to sexuality not being a focus for the first year of mothering all over again? Will that serve our family, or not?" - LOVE that you incorporated a "we" culture in what might (at first glance) appear to be a prompt for singular introspection. Our sexual health DOES affect family health.
"...what’s available beyond the self imposed rules of who I should be according to who I’ve been." - REALLY needed this.
"We scramble to find ourselves again, clawing our way back through the womb portal we just traveled and into our former selves. But we can’t. The veil is closed once again and the only way to find ourselves is to become ourselves." - PERFECTLY WORDED.
"The only way to become ourselves is to move who we have been, off to the side and step into the void it creates… Of if you prefer a more dramatic approach, burn it all to the ground and see what’s left." - SO MUCH WORD GOODNESS. CAN YOU STOP? *never stop*
You know who needs to stop? Me. Or else I am going to quote your whole dang post.
Love this conversation and how much it resonates. I have had this exact experience ‘I’m bored with myself’ and when I get curious what comes up for me is actually... ‘I’m bored of my bullshit’ 😂..... I’m bored of patterns of avoidance and numbing out. I desire more connection with myself and in these states.... no more boredom. I’m a generator in HD and i observe that when I’m not in tune with the opportunities aka I’ve zone out into overwhelm/numbing etc. I can’t respond intuitively and I feel really stuck. The more grace I give myself to feel and to allow deep connection with self the easier life become. This doesn’t necessarily mean that life looks that different on the surface but more an inner dialogue and experience of self and motherhood that is authentic and not stagnant or reactive.
Yes yes yes!! Oh I could have a WHOLE conversation on all of this and I feel like... because I know I won’t have any more babies... that I am so ready to embrace all the different identities I’ve always wanted to try on. I want more tattoos and more piercings... I’ve dabbled with getting lashes like you say even though I don’t put makeup on most days... but I also want to wear red lipstick on a pre school pick up and switch out the leggings and baggy jumper look for something more stylish. I love to shake things up on my life and I have felt that sense of boredom especially this year having kind of stayed on one identity since I had my first daughter in 2019. I’m so here for adventure and exploring and if my husband said to me next week let’s sell the house and explore the world in a camper van I would say... game on!! (He won’t... he is very much NOT on that wavelength). I do struggle with sometimes wanting to leap and burn things to the ground because I enjoy the newness and starting things! There are soooo many identities I feel like I’m yet to explore and that’s exciting! X
Oh Kat we are absolutely in the same boat right now!!!!!! I am not a mother but I resonate with this journey completely. Since the pandemic I have been fully nourishing my spiritual, gentle, inner resourced side -- and now I have been feeling a reawakening of my fire, venturing out into the world again, exploring my sensuality, my sexuality, my identity and everything in between. Giving myself to laugh big and love loud and just let my wild child side out again. This is true balance and the shake up our soul needs every once in a while. Thank you for the beautiful permission slip your writing always gives the rest of us 💝💋🎀☄️ I can’t wait to see what unfolds for us!!!! 🤤
Love this Kat. My sweetheart laughs at me because of how often I say “I’m bored with myself.”
OMG you nailed it. Grow and discard and move and change and seek.
I looove this! One of my favourite things to do as a kid was dress up AND I've never been able to hold an identity. Feeling like each one sheds as I grow and how that happens so rapidly. I hear people say that consistency and commitment is what makes you (especially in the business spaces) but what if the opposite is also true? Who made that rule anyway! Isn't life about discovering, learning and expressing our authenticity? How do we do that if we feel trapped in the box of an identity that most of us probably didn't choose from a space of heart connection and more so the overpowering loudness of the mind that says "oh I should be this". Great timing for this post as I've been in the realm between staying the course that i feel like my flame for has died and leaning into change again - I'm going to approach it like a dress up party! How liberating and fun! Thank you xx
Nooo not my beige wardrobe 😂💛💛💛
Loving all this to contemplate and think it’s so important to reflect on areas where you may have boxed yourself in or your ways of being are limiting you from trying new things.
I feel like being a mama has been my change up and chaos and I’m loving flowing with what it is bringing out of me currently... so just flowing with it! But I can concur, I’ve always been one to “listen to my body” “go slow” (still love slow always haha), and not exercise other then slow yin yoga and walking... but I announced I want to be STRONG and have lots of energy.... I’m entering my “Pilates fit era” ~ walking with you to there hehe xxxx
Love how much I could relate to this! In my experience, long lasting boredom is probably the most certain sign that I am living out of tune with myself. It also correlates with my screen time. The more I’m bored, the more I scroll. The more I scroll, the more bored I am (on and off screen). They feed each other. Is there a difference between existential boredom and distracted-screen-addict-boredom? I think there probably is. Anyway, substack is a nice place to check in on how distracted I am from moment to moment as it demands a higher degree of attention span
I loved this exploration Kat (I also very much enjoyed the visual photographical exploration of you in all your eras). I say pink hair must make a come back and I’ll absolutely be an accountability partner if you ever think it’s a good idea to get a bob (I feel and understand the mistake in this on a cellular level).
I really resonated with the micro-decisions -- I think boredom can be gently engulfed by the opportunities found in the little decisions. I always feel it starts with the way we make our beds or the outfit we decide upon for the day. Why not wear night wear as day wear?
Why not take the long route?
Why not book the over nighter because whim says so?
Why not move to Spain?
This whole piece had me saying “yep”.
Loved it. Thanks again for always sharing honestly and in a way that feels like it came straight from mind / heart to paper purely as it landed within you.
X
The first word I wanted to say was, "Yes!" I got curious and noticed many people here thought the same. Everything in here was so relatable, but for the past five weeks, I have never felt more excited about myself––you already know why.
I was bored with the side of myself that held onto the familiar, analyzed instead of felt, and worried about things that might never happen.
One new experience I'm looking forward to is renting out my apartment and travelling around with a Caravan. Except, part of me also wants a child. Would it be insane to have a first child while travelling around in a Caravan (something I have never done)? Am I using the word "insane" because of societal constructs?
Sometimes, it feels like society's rules build my ego, and when I let go of my ego and listen to what I truly want, all doubts and frustrations go away. Still, pragmatism is important. I want to know the reality before I get lost in my caravan family fantasy. Any tips?
Ah my love, what can I say. We are just so similar in that way haha also feel free to call anytime you wish to want to cut your hair again. I did the same. Only once and Chris now reminds me every single year when I’m in my “I want a change, I think I’ll cut my hair again” not to do it haha I love the conversation around different identities and things we can try on for the simple act of just trying something new. I’m writing about a similar topic at the moment so have enjoyed your take on it. I think the change of identity can be something so scary for people, letting go of the old and inviting the new with full trust - it’s big. Even if it’s something as little as a fringe cut (which I’m doing again btw haha). It’s something I love about our family and the relationship between Chris and I, there's always a surprise, from either of us. There’s always one of us coming up with this huge idea and the other one trusting and saying “fuck it, let’s do it”. That’s how we got here in the first place. And also with the realisation that it can all change again tomorrow, that nothing is fixed, nothing is linear. Everything in life flows and if we resist that flow because of fear, or worry we block all the goodness and juiciness awaiting. Let’s book an appointment at the hair dresser haha big love mama
Love this conversation!
While i am so grateful for all of the layers that have shed throughout the years, I sometimes look at myself and wonder “who the fuck is she?!”. Very little people have stuck around for all the versions, could probably count them on one hand, but who is to say all that dropped weren’t the ones too afraid to drop the layers themselves!
I’m in it again right now, who am i, who do i wish to become..again? Who is here ready to take the chains off. While I live and breathe the softness.. i often don’t live in my feminine - so femininity is a big theme coming up to play with and I’m excited for her 🌸 also really wanting to drop the messaging and get my lash extensions back.. because they made me feel alive!
One thought that popped up in my head was “ok, but at what point is constant drastic change of identity its own form of coping mechanism, a sort of flight response?”. Even as I thought it I knew this to be a question that comes deep from some belief systems I have adapted. I’m going to explore this further.
I’ve recently sat with mushroom medicine for the first time and the overarching theme that came up for me was in fact “I’m bored” and I kept saying over and over again to my fellow circle women that they better hit me with a new story, a new pattern, something I haven’t heard and seen and smelled a million times already.
When I saw the title of your letter pop up I was very intrigued.
Yes. This is very relatable. I like blowing things up and putting things back together from the ashes, and this next year things are just working, and I am bored most of the time
Beautiful post Kat. Interesting contemplations during motherhood - feels like such a morphing time with each ‘phase’ of my daughter I feel a new ‘self’ emerge. I wonder how many cocoons are on the floor of my mothering journey haha
"To throw ourselves into the fire and see who walks out." - LOVE THIS.
"Though through a humbling pregnancy that didn’t feel as connected spiritually, I learned I could still birth powerfully, even with fear. That I didn’t have to be fearless to birth. And I didn’t have to be constantly tapped in intuitively to be receiving guidance. " - LOVE THIS.
"I could choose to keep my heels in the ground and remain loyal to identities that HAD served me up until this point. OR...." - NEEDED THIS.
"I reflect on my resistance to exercise over the last 7 years" - MAYBE I CAN HELP? *I'll be writing a piece on this soon (this = resistance to exercise) for my Actionable Anxiety publication. Resistance to exercise is a BIG topic for me that I love chatting about*. I'm happy to make a note to send to you if you would like.
"Do I truly want to subscribe to sexuality not being a focus for the first year of mothering all over again? Will that serve our family, or not?" - LOVE that you incorporated a "we" culture in what might (at first glance) appear to be a prompt for singular introspection. Our sexual health DOES affect family health.
"...what’s available beyond the self imposed rules of who I should be according to who I’ve been." - REALLY needed this.
"We scramble to find ourselves again, clawing our way back through the womb portal we just traveled and into our former selves. But we can’t. The veil is closed once again and the only way to find ourselves is to become ourselves." - PERFECTLY WORDED.
"The only way to become ourselves is to move who we have been, off to the side and step into the void it creates… Of if you prefer a more dramatic approach, burn it all to the ground and see what’s left." - SO MUCH WORD GOODNESS. CAN YOU STOP? *never stop*
You know who needs to stop? Me. Or else I am going to quote your whole dang post.
Love love love. Wrote these down to journal on & can’t wait to return with some personal shares
Love this conversation and how much it resonates. I have had this exact experience ‘I’m bored with myself’ and when I get curious what comes up for me is actually... ‘I’m bored of my bullshit’ 😂..... I’m bored of patterns of avoidance and numbing out. I desire more connection with myself and in these states.... no more boredom. I’m a generator in HD and i observe that when I’m not in tune with the opportunities aka I’ve zone out into overwhelm/numbing etc. I can’t respond intuitively and I feel really stuck. The more grace I give myself to feel and to allow deep connection with self the easier life become. This doesn’t necessarily mean that life looks that different on the surface but more an inner dialogue and experience of self and motherhood that is authentic and not stagnant or reactive.