"To throw ourselves into the fire and see who walks out." - LOVE THIS.
"Though through a humbling pregnancy that didn’t feel as connected spiritually, I learned I could still birth powerfully, even with fear. That I didn’t have to be fearless to birth. And I didn’t have to be constantly tapped in intuitively to be receiving guidance. " - LOVE THIS.
"I could choose to keep my heels in the ground and remain loyal to identities that HAD served me up until this point. OR...." - NEEDED THIS.
"I reflect on my resistance to exercise over the last 7 years" - MAYBE I CAN HELP? *I'll be writing a piece on this soon (this = resistance to exercise) for my Actionable Anxiety publication. Resistance to exercise is a BIG topic for me that I love chatting about*. I'm happy to make a note to send to you if you would like.
"Do I truly want to subscribe to sexuality not being a focus for the first year of mothering all over again? Will that serve our family, or not?" - LOVE that you incorporated a "we" culture in what might (at first glance) appear to be a prompt for singular introspection. Our sexual health DOES affect family health.
"...what’s available beyond the self imposed rules of who I should be according to who I’ve been." - REALLY needed this.
"We scramble to find ourselves again, clawing our way back through the womb portal we just traveled and into our former selves. But we can’t. The veil is closed once again and the only way to find ourselves is to become ourselves." - PERFECTLY WORDED.
"The only way to become ourselves is to move who we have been, off to the side and step into the void it creates… Of if you prefer a more dramatic approach, burn it all to the ground and see what’s left." - SO MUCH WORD GOODNESS. CAN YOU STOP? *never stop*
You know who needs to stop? Me. Or else I am going to quote your whole dang post.
AHahahahhahaha this brought me so much joy to read. I’m thank you so much for taking the time to read so thoroughly and share what stuck out to you. I so appreciate. AND I would LOVE the exercise piece when it’s ready!
Love how much I could relate to this! In my experience, long lasting boredom is probably the most certain sign that I am living out of tune with myself. It also correlates with my screen time. The more I’m bored, the more I scroll. The more I scroll, the more bored I am (on and off screen). They feed each other. Is there a difference between existential boredom and distracted-screen-addict-boredom? I think there probably is. Anyway, substack is a nice place to check in on how distracted I am from moment to moment as it demands a higher degree of attention span
Loved reading this! I have many thoughts like this, and playing out the possibilities in my head, like if I do X then what will my life look like then or what if I do Y or Z...?!!
Love this conversation and how much it resonates. I have had this exact experience ‘I’m bored with myself’ and when I get curious what comes up for me is actually... ‘I’m bored of my bullshit’ 😂..... I’m bored of patterns of avoidance and numbing out. I desire more connection with myself and in these states.... no more boredom. I’m a generator in HD and i observe that when I’m not in tune with the opportunities aka I’ve zone out into overwhelm/numbing etc. I can’t respond intuitively and I feel really stuck. The more grace I give myself to feel and to allow deep connection with self the easier life become. This doesn’t necessarily mean that life looks that different on the surface but more an inner dialogue and experience of self and motherhood that is authentic and not stagnant or reactive.
Haha YES this piece was such a delight. Right in there with you. Heading to Bali with our 9-month old in a month (leaving Swedish winter), cutting off my hair on Monday (can’t wait - this on is a a good idea I know from experience!) and back to drinking coffee here and there because its delicious and FUN (and I know I can trust myself to let go if it doesn’t serve me).
After years of being very deep in it all, spiritually connected, lots of psychotherapy/personal development/in the underworld of pregnancy and birth, I’m so ready to just be light, playful and creative and have fun.
Which my son is also teaching me a LOT.
Love what you’ve written earlier on post partum/motherhood as a time to explore / release old beliefs - feel a huge creative reset since my son came, with more liberation and less fucks given 🙏
Also - had to do some resetting on beliefs around my (unconscious) of what a good mama is.. realizing that my joy, zest for life, playfulness and creativity is not only fuel for my mothering but also a huge gift for my son ❤️
So sorry I'm so late to respond! I did read your comment when you made it and must have gotten swept off with the kids. Doing some catch up now. Have you been to Bali before? You guys will have the best time! We are considering a sneaky europe move come 2025 so might catch you in Sweden haha! Love your reflections on this and I so hear you about the inner work all the time, and sometimes the most healing thing you can do is fck it all off and just have fun xx
And wow - sounds like a beautiful trip! You're welcome here anytime. We're right across the bridge from Copenhagen (coolest capital in Europe in my opinion!) but live on the countryside. It's a beautiful place where we also organize concerts/workshops etc and a small (200 ppl) festival with our neighbors during the summer! Would love to have you an curious to hear more about your Europe adventures xx
YES!!! I just moved to Indonesia to shake things up. My greatest fear has always been to live a normal life.
It’s too short to be just the one person. I love that I got to live so many lives in my 20’s and early 30’s. But it is all too easy and I think necessary at times to just be in the cocoon of new motherhood for a while. Even though so much about us changes when we give birth, at times it doesn’t feel like we get to choose these things. They happen to us, the sleep deprivation and exhaustion and the NEED for comfy clothing to fit our new bodies into. But since moving and getting the chance to cure my burn out all of these things are coming up for me too!
I loved this exploration Kat (I also very much enjoyed the visual photographical exploration of you in all your eras). I say pink hair must make a come back and I’ll absolutely be an accountability partner if you ever think it’s a good idea to get a bob (I feel and understand the mistake in this on a cellular level).
I really resonated with the micro-decisions -- I think boredom can be gently engulfed by the opportunities found in the little decisions. I always feel it starts with the way we make our beds or the outfit we decide upon for the day. Why not wear night wear as day wear?
Why not take the long route?
Why not book the over nighter because whim says so?
Why not move to Spain?
This whole piece had me saying “yep”.
Loved it. Thanks again for always sharing honestly and in a way that feels like it came straight from mind / heart to paper purely as it landed within you.
Sorry for such a late reply here! Had intended to get back here to the comments and then... you know haha! Pink hair is the top of my list right now... but the maintenance feels off putting. I love what you said about it starting with the way we make the bed. Because it does.
Oh Kat we are absolutely in the same boat right now!!!!!! I am not a mother but I resonate with this journey completely. Since the pandemic I have been fully nourishing my spiritual, gentle, inner resourced side -- and now I have been feeling a reawakening of my fire, venturing out into the world again, exploring my sensuality, my sexuality, my identity and everything in between. Giving myself to laugh big and love loud and just let my wild child side out again. This is true balance and the shake up our soul needs every once in a while. Thank you for the beautiful permission slip your writing always gives the rest of us 💝💋🎀☄️ I can’t wait to see what unfolds for us!!!! 🤤
The first word I wanted to say was, "Yes!" I got curious and noticed many people here thought the same. Everything in here was so relatable, but for the past five weeks, I have never felt more excited about myself––you already know why.
I was bored with the side of myself that held onto the familiar, analyzed instead of felt, and worried about things that might never happen.
One new experience I'm looking forward to is renting out my apartment and travelling around with a Caravan. Except, part of me also wants a child. Would it be insane to have a first child while travelling around in a Caravan (something I have never done)? Am I using the word "insane" because of societal constructs?
Sometimes, it feels like society's rules build my ego, and when I let go of my ego and listen to what I truly want, all doubts and frustrations go away. Still, pragmatism is important. I want to know the reality before I get lost in my caravan family fantasy. Any tips?
Oh you should see the album I have saved on Instagram full of caravan inspo! So so so many families here in australia buy caravans or convert/renovate coaster bus’s (smaller busses) or even do it in bigger vans and travel australia full time. I can link you some if you like? It’s actually pretty simple with one child. Maybe two. I haven’t seen too many with more than that but it can be done.
Society says
Own a home
White picket fence
Have a full time job.
But if you can create a life where you can be a present father, and be on the road and out in nature every day.... that’s pretty special.
Those two dreams could coexist beautifully. I think where you are, the caravans etc would be built differently to handle the climate.
Though if you’re renting out your place, the technically you could have a van anywhere. Then sell it, country hop, buy a new one. Can life around the world with your family.
It TOTALLY could be done.
We did caravan life when Rafi was 18 months old.
It only didn’t work for us because tully has so many live calls for work.
Yes! Please, send me some links. “Though if you’re renting out your place, the technically you could have a van anywhere. Then sell it, country hop, buy a new one. Can life around the world with your family.” This is what I want. I also have live calls (teaching), but the data plans are so cheap in Europe, I’d be okay. I’d also consider Starlink, but it’s expensive.
Ah my love, what can I say. We are just so similar in that way haha also feel free to call anytime you wish to want to cut your hair again. I did the same. Only once and Chris now reminds me every single year when I’m in my “I want a change, I think I’ll cut my hair again” not to do it haha I love the conversation around different identities and things we can try on for the simple act of just trying something new. I’m writing about a similar topic at the moment so have enjoyed your take on it. I think the change of identity can be something so scary for people, letting go of the old and inviting the new with full trust - it’s big. Even if it’s something as little as a fringe cut (which I’m doing again btw haha). It’s something I love about our family and the relationship between Chris and I, there's always a surprise, from either of us. There’s always one of us coming up with this huge idea and the other one trusting and saying “fuck it, let’s do it”. That’s how we got here in the first place. And also with the realisation that it can all change again tomorrow, that nothing is fixed, nothing is linear. Everything in life flows and if we resist that flow because of fear, or worry we block all the goodness and juiciness awaiting. Let’s book an appointment at the hair dresser haha big love mama
SO here for your fringe cut. When you sent me that profile photo of you I loved it! And I LOVE that dynamic within relationships tbh, the "Fck it" and just dreaming big and outrageously
I 100% feel this energy. I've been contemplating numerous ways to shake up my life and explore my identity and expression lately, both in and outside of motherhood, but I also recognize this as a pattern of me evolving over time. Being open to that process has always led to positive growth for me. I think I've always had a strong intuition, but I've learned to trust it more as an adult and even more so since I've become a parent, and I'm more confident in trusting it now. It's what led me to writing here as well!
Absolutely. It’s a pattern in me too. For a while I challenged it and decided to “stay put” in who I was for a while. There’s definitely seasons for that too and the boredom can totally be of service in some ways.
But my life turns me on 10000% more when I’m open to opportunity like this too!
I looove this! One of my favourite things to do as a kid was dress up AND I've never been able to hold an identity. Feeling like each one sheds as I grow and how that happens so rapidly. I hear people say that consistency and commitment is what makes you (especially in the business spaces) but what if the opposite is also true? Who made that rule anyway! Isn't life about discovering, learning and expressing our authenticity? How do we do that if we feel trapped in the box of an identity that most of us probably didn't choose from a space of heart connection and more so the overpowering loudness of the mind that says "oh I should be this". Great timing for this post as I've been in the realm between staying the course that i feel like my flame for has died and leaning into change again - I'm going to approach it like a dress up party! How liberating and fun! Thank you xx
Love your reply and the previous comment! Yeah it's super interesting because like Eva-Maria said I also think there is an aspect of being conditioned to think that you are responding from trauma being so changeable but I've sat with this so many times and yes sometimes change comes from fear but so many times it's just pure curiosity and a desire to explore and experience and try on life in so many different ways. It's so great to be part of your tribe and be exposed to others who value creativity and exploration, on one hand it's hugely validating to know you are not alone but also supports you in giving yourself the permission and a needed nudge to follow your own energy. <3
"To throw ourselves into the fire and see who walks out." - LOVE THIS.
"Though through a humbling pregnancy that didn’t feel as connected spiritually, I learned I could still birth powerfully, even with fear. That I didn’t have to be fearless to birth. And I didn’t have to be constantly tapped in intuitively to be receiving guidance. " - LOVE THIS.
"I could choose to keep my heels in the ground and remain loyal to identities that HAD served me up until this point. OR...." - NEEDED THIS.
"I reflect on my resistance to exercise over the last 7 years" - MAYBE I CAN HELP? *I'll be writing a piece on this soon (this = resistance to exercise) for my Actionable Anxiety publication. Resistance to exercise is a BIG topic for me that I love chatting about*. I'm happy to make a note to send to you if you would like.
"Do I truly want to subscribe to sexuality not being a focus for the first year of mothering all over again? Will that serve our family, or not?" - LOVE that you incorporated a "we" culture in what might (at first glance) appear to be a prompt for singular introspection. Our sexual health DOES affect family health.
"...what’s available beyond the self imposed rules of who I should be according to who I’ve been." - REALLY needed this.
"We scramble to find ourselves again, clawing our way back through the womb portal we just traveled and into our former selves. But we can’t. The veil is closed once again and the only way to find ourselves is to become ourselves." - PERFECTLY WORDED.
"The only way to become ourselves is to move who we have been, off to the side and step into the void it creates… Of if you prefer a more dramatic approach, burn it all to the ground and see what’s left." - SO MUCH WORD GOODNESS. CAN YOU STOP? *never stop*
You know who needs to stop? Me. Or else I am going to quote your whole dang post.
AHahahahhahaha this brought me so much joy to read. I’m thank you so much for taking the time to read so thoroughly and share what stuck out to you. I so appreciate. AND I would LOVE the exercise piece when it’s ready!
Love how much I could relate to this! In my experience, long lasting boredom is probably the most certain sign that I am living out of tune with myself. It also correlates with my screen time. The more I’m bored, the more I scroll. The more I scroll, the more bored I am (on and off screen). They feed each other. Is there a difference between existential boredom and distracted-screen-addict-boredom? I think there probably is. Anyway, substack is a nice place to check in on how distracted I am from moment to moment as it demands a higher degree of attention span
"long lasting boredom is probably the most certain sign that I am living out of tune with myself." - I love this. Wrote this down for myself!
I so agree! The more in life I am the better too
Loved reading this! I have many thoughts like this, and playing out the possibilities in my head, like if I do X then what will my life look like then or what if I do Y or Z...?!!
Love love love. Wrote these down to journal on & can’t wait to return with some personal shares
Please do!! 🥰
Love this conversation and how much it resonates. I have had this exact experience ‘I’m bored with myself’ and when I get curious what comes up for me is actually... ‘I’m bored of my bullshit’ 😂..... I’m bored of patterns of avoidance and numbing out. I desire more connection with myself and in these states.... no more boredom. I’m a generator in HD and i observe that when I’m not in tune with the opportunities aka I’ve zone out into overwhelm/numbing etc. I can’t respond intuitively and I feel really stuck. The more grace I give myself to feel and to allow deep connection with self the easier life become. This doesn’t necessarily mean that life looks that different on the surface but more an inner dialogue and experience of self and motherhood that is authentic and not stagnant or reactive.
Yes! What you say here, it being the inner dialogue primarily is sooo right. Thank you for sharing!!
Haha YES this piece was such a delight. Right in there with you. Heading to Bali with our 9-month old in a month (leaving Swedish winter), cutting off my hair on Monday (can’t wait - this on is a a good idea I know from experience!) and back to drinking coffee here and there because its delicious and FUN (and I know I can trust myself to let go if it doesn’t serve me).
After years of being very deep in it all, spiritually connected, lots of psychotherapy/personal development/in the underworld of pregnancy and birth, I’m so ready to just be light, playful and creative and have fun.
Which my son is also teaching me a LOT.
Love what you’ve written earlier on post partum/motherhood as a time to explore / release old beliefs - feel a huge creative reset since my son came, with more liberation and less fucks given 🙏
Also - had to do some resetting on beliefs around my (unconscious) of what a good mama is.. realizing that my joy, zest for life, playfulness and creativity is not only fuel for my mothering but also a huge gift for my son ❤️
So sorry I'm so late to respond! I did read your comment when you made it and must have gotten swept off with the kids. Doing some catch up now. Have you been to Bali before? You guys will have the best time! We are considering a sneaky europe move come 2025 so might catch you in Sweden haha! Love your reflections on this and I so hear you about the inner work all the time, and sometimes the most healing thing you can do is fck it all off and just have fun xx
yeees indeed haha!
And wow - sounds like a beautiful trip! You're welcome here anytime. We're right across the bridge from Copenhagen (coolest capital in Europe in my opinion!) but live on the countryside. It's a beautiful place where we also organize concerts/workshops etc and a small (200 ppl) festival with our neighbors during the summer! Would love to have you an curious to hear more about your Europe adventures xx
YES!!! I just moved to Indonesia to shake things up. My greatest fear has always been to live a normal life.
It’s too short to be just the one person. I love that I got to live so many lives in my 20’s and early 30’s. But it is all too easy and I think necessary at times to just be in the cocoon of new motherhood for a while. Even though so much about us changes when we give birth, at times it doesn’t feel like we get to choose these things. They happen to us, the sleep deprivation and exhaustion and the NEED for comfy clothing to fit our new bodies into. But since moving and getting the chance to cure my burn out all of these things are coming up for me too!
Hope you’re having the best time in indo! Might join you 😜
We’re always looking for new recruits!!
Yes yes! Ahh my biggest fear is living a too normal of a life!
I loved this exploration Kat (I also very much enjoyed the visual photographical exploration of you in all your eras). I say pink hair must make a come back and I’ll absolutely be an accountability partner if you ever think it’s a good idea to get a bob (I feel and understand the mistake in this on a cellular level).
I really resonated with the micro-decisions -- I think boredom can be gently engulfed by the opportunities found in the little decisions. I always feel it starts with the way we make our beds or the outfit we decide upon for the day. Why not wear night wear as day wear?
Why not take the long route?
Why not book the over nighter because whim says so?
Why not move to Spain?
This whole piece had me saying “yep”.
Loved it. Thanks again for always sharing honestly and in a way that feels like it came straight from mind / heart to paper purely as it landed within you.
X
Sorry for such a late reply here! Had intended to get back here to the comments and then... you know haha! Pink hair is the top of my list right now... but the maintenance feels off putting. I love what you said about it starting with the way we make the bed. Because it does.
Two things (for now)
1. Lady Gaga’s Edge of Glory! 💃🏽
2. “Evolve or die” Ana T Forrest
Ok one more THANK YOU! 🎭✨
Oh Kat we are absolutely in the same boat right now!!!!!! I am not a mother but I resonate with this journey completely. Since the pandemic I have been fully nourishing my spiritual, gentle, inner resourced side -- and now I have been feeling a reawakening of my fire, venturing out into the world again, exploring my sensuality, my sexuality, my identity and everything in between. Giving myself to laugh big and love loud and just let my wild child side out again. This is true balance and the shake up our soul needs every once in a while. Thank you for the beautiful permission slip your writing always gives the rest of us 💝💋🎀☄️ I can’t wait to see what unfolds for us!!!! 🤤
Oh I love that so much. You were hibernating in the best way and now it’s time for spring!
The first word I wanted to say was, "Yes!" I got curious and noticed many people here thought the same. Everything in here was so relatable, but for the past five weeks, I have never felt more excited about myself––you already know why.
I was bored with the side of myself that held onto the familiar, analyzed instead of felt, and worried about things that might never happen.
One new experience I'm looking forward to is renting out my apartment and travelling around with a Caravan. Except, part of me also wants a child. Would it be insane to have a first child while travelling around in a Caravan (something I have never done)? Am I using the word "insane" because of societal constructs?
Sometimes, it feels like society's rules build my ego, and when I let go of my ego and listen to what I truly want, all doubts and frustrations go away. Still, pragmatism is important. I want to know the reality before I get lost in my caravan family fantasy. Any tips?
Oh you should see the album I have saved on Instagram full of caravan inspo! So so so many families here in australia buy caravans or convert/renovate coaster bus’s (smaller busses) or even do it in bigger vans and travel australia full time. I can link you some if you like? It’s actually pretty simple with one child. Maybe two. I haven’t seen too many with more than that but it can be done.
Society says
Own a home
White picket fence
Have a full time job.
But if you can create a life where you can be a present father, and be on the road and out in nature every day.... that’s pretty special.
Those two dreams could coexist beautifully. I think where you are, the caravans etc would be built differently to handle the climate.
Though if you’re renting out your place, the technically you could have a van anywhere. Then sell it, country hop, buy a new one. Can life around the world with your family.
It TOTALLY could be done.
We did caravan life when Rafi was 18 months old.
It only didn’t work for us because tully has so many live calls for work.
But if we were just writing.... maybe!
Yes! Please, send me some links. “Though if you’re renting out your place, the technically you could have a van anywhere. Then sell it, country hop, buy a new one. Can life around the world with your family.” This is what I want. I also have live calls (teaching), but the data plans are so cheap in Europe, I’d be okay. I’d also consider Starlink, but it’s expensive.
Where there is a will, there is always away. Sometimes the visions for our lives... choose us.
Ah my love, what can I say. We are just so similar in that way haha also feel free to call anytime you wish to want to cut your hair again. I did the same. Only once and Chris now reminds me every single year when I’m in my “I want a change, I think I’ll cut my hair again” not to do it haha I love the conversation around different identities and things we can try on for the simple act of just trying something new. I’m writing about a similar topic at the moment so have enjoyed your take on it. I think the change of identity can be something so scary for people, letting go of the old and inviting the new with full trust - it’s big. Even if it’s something as little as a fringe cut (which I’m doing again btw haha). It’s something I love about our family and the relationship between Chris and I, there's always a surprise, from either of us. There’s always one of us coming up with this huge idea and the other one trusting and saying “fuck it, let’s do it”. That’s how we got here in the first place. And also with the realisation that it can all change again tomorrow, that nothing is fixed, nothing is linear. Everything in life flows and if we resist that flow because of fear, or worry we block all the goodness and juiciness awaiting. Let’s book an appointment at the hair dresser haha big love mama
SO here for your fringe cut. When you sent me that profile photo of you I loved it! And I LOVE that dynamic within relationships tbh, the "Fck it" and just dreaming big and outrageously
Love this Kat. My sweetheart laughs at me because of how often I say “I’m bored with myself.”
OMG you nailed it. Grow and discard and move and change and seek.
😂😂😂 what’s an edge for you right now? Something that you know if you change, would open a whole new world for you
Truth. I credit my recovery 100%. To be able to sit with difficult things without self-medicating. It opens up everything.
Yesssss Kat! ROCK ON! Totally here for it. 🎉🎉
Thank you beautiful x
I 100% feel this energy. I've been contemplating numerous ways to shake up my life and explore my identity and expression lately, both in and outside of motherhood, but I also recognize this as a pattern of me evolving over time. Being open to that process has always led to positive growth for me. I think I've always had a strong intuition, but I've learned to trust it more as an adult and even more so since I've become a parent, and I'm more confident in trusting it now. It's what led me to writing here as well!
Absolutely. It’s a pattern in me too. For a while I challenged it and decided to “stay put” in who I was for a while. There’s definitely seasons for that too and the boredom can totally be of service in some ways.
But my life turns me on 10000% more when I’m open to opportunity like this too!
I looove this! One of my favourite things to do as a kid was dress up AND I've never been able to hold an identity. Feeling like each one sheds as I grow and how that happens so rapidly. I hear people say that consistency and commitment is what makes you (especially in the business spaces) but what if the opposite is also true? Who made that rule anyway! Isn't life about discovering, learning and expressing our authenticity? How do we do that if we feel trapped in the box of an identity that most of us probably didn't choose from a space of heart connection and more so the overpowering loudness of the mind that says "oh I should be this". Great timing for this post as I've been in the realm between staying the course that i feel like my flame for has died and leaning into change again - I'm going to approach it like a dress up party! How liberating and fun! Thank you xx
Yes! I just spoke to this in a comment above!
Those who value consistency will want you to show up in that way.
But there’s a whole world out there that value creativity, and curiosity and want that for you too, and are in admiration of it.
So many of us adopt an identity that’s born from programing, traumas, and experienced of being perceived by others.
It’s liberating to wipe the slate clean
And recreate from the ground up
Love your reply and the previous comment! Yeah it's super interesting because like Eva-Maria said I also think there is an aspect of being conditioned to think that you are responding from trauma being so changeable but I've sat with this so many times and yes sometimes change comes from fear but so many times it's just pure curiosity and a desire to explore and experience and try on life in so many different ways. It's so great to be part of your tribe and be exposed to others who value creativity and exploration, on one hand it's hugely validating to know you are not alone but also supports you in giving yourself the permission and a needed nudge to follow your own energy. <3