"The Village" is NOT your mothers group.

Here's why.

“The village”

Never referred to a group of 10 of us, all with three year olds. 

Though the relatability and connection is beyond valuable, and the knowing that we are walking through the same days of our lives together with similar struggles and heart expansions…

The village, (recreated) I don’t believe, is surrounding yourself with a lot of people in a similar experience as you. 

The Village, requires diversity. 

It’s something I’ve been craving more and more of as I slowly establish myself deeper into motherhood.

Most of my mother friends, have children under the age of 5. 

Most have just the one, a handful have two.

That’s the season of life I’m in.

It’s been the most beautiful experience connecting, relating, knowing each other & our babes. 

Though when I feel into a more true essence of the village,

It’s filled with some other kinds of people…

One in particular, is what I jokingly dub, the established mother…

When we lived in WA, and before I was a mother myself, I really loved being friends with mums.

I’d seek them out because firstly, there was a comforting familiarity for me being around kids as I had grown up around so many.

Secondly - You can learn a thing or two from a woman with children. 

The mothers I had become friends with, were established. 

What I mean by this is that they had multiple children, of different ages and they were TWO FEET IN motherhood. Grounded in their mother-ness. 

They had the experience of multiple styles of mothering within their own motherhood. They had experienced diversity within their own motherhood. Having to adapt and change based on different children’s needs. They're own friends, across different stages of motherhood. They were comfortable in the mother mess.

The chaos and the pumping family rhythm. 

I love it. I crave it. 

The feeling of arriving at their home and it’s messy and they couldn’t care less.

Their children are crying and the world is not falling to pieces. 

They barely flinch. Instead they just scoop them up, give them a cuddle and 3 seconds later their 5 year old is up the nearest tree again. 

Something I notice in the established mothers, is there’s way less anxiety. 

Less worry about “traumatising my kids” because they raised their voice and forgot to use gentle parenting skills. 

There’s less concern when their children fall over. 

There’s a wisdom and knowingness that, everyone will be okay. 

That perfection doesn’t exist. 

Most of these mothers, became mothers long before the world of social media. 

Comparison doesn’t rule their blood. 

They exist. As mothers. Deep in it, honouring their own balance. 2, 3, sometimes 4 kids running around. 

They KNOW, that there is motherhood beyond nappies, breastfeeding and being up all night. 

They’d smile when they used to look at me with Rafi, whipping my boob out again and again, and my face of frustration. 

“Will this ever stop? Will my nipples always stretch 4cm from now on and fold under my shirt?”

And there they are

Knowing what’s to come. 

That he will eventually wean and he will be ok.

That he will sleep through the night one day.

And that he will wake up in the morning and tell me his entire dream. 

He’ll become a big brother.

He’ll one day make his own breakfast, 

And share his perspectives of life with me. That it will blow my damn mind. 

The established mothers I love, have an open door policy. Gone are the days where naps are sacred and they must hide away and rest at the only chance they get. 

It’s mothering awake children all the time. So often it’s easier for friends to drop by, to share a meal, 

To let the kids run their energy out together.  I’ve experienced a true sense of connected community through simply just being in proximity to these women. 

Their embodiment is healing and they don’t even know it. 

The established mothers in my life are the ones that have shown me it really all does pass. I’ve watched their kids grow up. I’ve witnessed them build careers alongside mothering.

I see them grounded, with so many contrasting children and contrasting experiences to pull from. 

They have embraced the mother, with an open hearted hug, no longer resisting parts of themselves, and craving the maiden once again. 

Theses no longer a young energy of “I’ll prove I can mother in the way that I want, Nobody can stop me” and instead replaced with “I’m just doing it. However I am, In each day. This is what my motherhood looks like today.”

In fact, I often can see the maiden integrated within their mothering. They are exactly where they are. 

The village isn’t a group of mums with their 3 year olds, 

It’s a collection of life experiences, 

A collection of the different stages of parenthood, 

It’s the babies, to the children, to the teenagers, 

It’s the maidens and the mothers and the *established mothers*.
It’s the grandmothers and crones, the Aunties and Uncles, Fathers new and old, the grandfathers. 

It’s all of us. 

It’s important for me to cultivate a diverse village of people I trust, that can guide me into new stages of parenthood with a groundedness. 

Less the blind leading the blind and “figuring it out as we go”.

More “hey, I’ve been there, it passes, here - you’ll be more than ok, this is how”.

I know I’m often writing about the transition from maiden to mother, because that’s recent for me. It’s relevant, and most women in my network can relate. 

Though I feel the message morphing. I’m growing my roots as a mother, and naturally with that, I look ahead to see who’s there to welcome me into a new phase. 

Since the birth of Ren, my second son, I have felt a different sort of grounding. A newer type of self confidence. It’s not something I have to surrender to, just something I’ve become.