I just finished listening, and wow—your articulation of what it actually takes to create sustainable success as mothers, creatives, and entrepreneurs is spot on. Every step you outlined resonates deeply, but what hit hardest for me was the importance of feeling safe in the spaces we grow in.
We hear so much about the power of community, but rarely do we talk about the dynamics that make or break that support system. It’s not just about being in a network—it’s about whether that space allows for expansion or subtly pressures us to stay small. That moment of contraction, when success is met with performative support instead of genuine celebration, is so real. And you’re right—if a space doesn’t feel safe, its shelf life is limited.
I’ve thought a lot about this because I’m in the process of creating my own community, and this exact conversation is at the heart of it. My kindreds—burnt-out mothers, caregivers, entrepreneurs, and solopreneurs—are all navigating the weight of expectations that don’t serve them, and I’ve seen firsthand how isolating, overwhelming, and physically damaging it can be. I wrote about this in “The Illusion of Success” because my work at Raíz Wellness is built around dismantling these toxic paradigms we’ve internalized about what it means to be ‘successful.’
But as you know, none of this exists in a vacuum. Chronic stress isn’t just an emotional burden—it’s a root cause of disease. The stress-disease connection is something I help my clients unravel, and it’s deeply tied to the way we push ourselves to meet impossible expectations while neglecting our own well-being. I couldn’t agree more with your talk about nervous system regulation/reprogramming being paramount—because our bodies remember the weight of these pressures. As Dr. Van Der Kolk writes best, they actually keep the score.
Which brings me back to your third point—community. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you manage what I’ve personally found to be the biggest challenge in maintaining truly supportive communities? The undercurrent of jealousy, comparison, and unconscious sabotage that inevitably arises when people aren’t secure in their own journey? I’ve come to believe that it’s not enough to just remove toxic elements—we have to actively create safety, nurture true reciprocity, and ensure that expansion isn’t met with silent resentment but all that sounds beautiful in theory, it’s the application of those things that I find a bit difficult to execute properly. And dare I say gracefully? =)
I’m so glad to have been connected with you though Marcy as you’ve put words to something I’ve felt but haven’t always felt safe speaking about in the communities I’ve been part of before. I deeply appreciate the work you’re doing and the thoughtfulness you bring to these conversations.
Sending love and deep appreciation vibes. I look forward to your response.
Kristie. I think you've won the largest comment ever left on a post haha! I'm so into it and want to thank you for such a well thought out and expressed comment. I'm so used to instagram emojis I almost don't know where to start.
I love that it resonated with you and you felt the YES in your body for what I was sharing. Your work sounds both fascinating and important in this world. I've written a few articles on community building in different senses - usually orientated towards mothers because they so badly need and want connection, though unfortunately don't know how to create it. I'm unsure if these links will work but one is called "The village is not your mothers group"
I also talk a lot about concepts within society and community from other lenses like business in my post-
"Worldcrafiting for business." And also the subtle layers of being held back by community and our roots while also needing to honour it in "Don't forget where you came from". I mean I have so many topics but community and connection is something I feel comes naturally to me so something I enjoy talking on. You have however inspired me to do more of an audio or video talk on this a bit more specifically so thank you!
Haha! Well, fair warning—I don’t think I’ve ever written a short response to anyone in my life. Brevity just isn’t my thing. 😂 But I love deep conversations and
I love that you’re diving so deeply into community and connection because it’s something I’ve spent so much time unraveling myself, both in my personal life and in my work. I’m really looking forward to reading these pieces (thank you for sharing the links!), especially The Village is Not Your Mothers Group—that title alone tells me I’m going to be nodding my head the entire time.
Also, I love that our conversation inspired you to do an audio or video talk on this. There’s something so powerful about hearing someone speak on a topic they’re deeply passionate about, and I already know it’s going to hit exactly where it needs to. I look forward to listening and probably leaving yet another long-winded comment.
Grateful for this exchange and looking forward to diving into more of your work! 💛
So good, thank you Kat. Living in the patriarchal energy led me to burn out and to lose my cycle for well over a year, which says everything really! Feeling at the beginnings of a potentially new chapter of integrating mothering with the creative work I’ve been doing behind the scenes, and now with the important piece of being remunerated for my work, thank you for speaking to the importance of this and its many layers xx
I find myself perpetually frustrated by the fact that to make an income and impact on the world I have to show up in patriarchal energy. My energy is such that I burn out quickly that way (insanely quickly) and I spend enormous amounts of time healing rather than doing the work that I feel I am here to do. I would love to be able to call in more money while following my natural cycles!
I so hear you and it’s literally why I created aoa. The mothercentric path is rhythmic, slow, passionate and focuses on nourishing the mother on her way to *her* success!
Our environment has so much impact. I love the thoughts you raised around how we literally have a body that lives in a perpetual cycle so of course we naturally work best in a cycle….. it’s so simple & explains my numerous burn outs through the years!
The weird thing is my mum was a stay at home mum. I have 2 sisters & went to an all girls boarding school and STILL bought into the system!!! Rocking the shoulder pads, big hair etc in the 80’s & corporate climbing like all get out in the 90’s & 2000’s…..🙃
Landing safely in the now & going ‘what the actual!!!’ 🙂
My heart ♥️ What a beautiful vision for the world, for us to call in for our babies. Creating it right here…right now x
Hi Kat,
I just finished listening, and wow—your articulation of what it actually takes to create sustainable success as mothers, creatives, and entrepreneurs is spot on. Every step you outlined resonates deeply, but what hit hardest for me was the importance of feeling safe in the spaces we grow in.
We hear so much about the power of community, but rarely do we talk about the dynamics that make or break that support system. It’s not just about being in a network—it’s about whether that space allows for expansion or subtly pressures us to stay small. That moment of contraction, when success is met with performative support instead of genuine celebration, is so real. And you’re right—if a space doesn’t feel safe, its shelf life is limited.
I’ve thought a lot about this because I’m in the process of creating my own community, and this exact conversation is at the heart of it. My kindreds—burnt-out mothers, caregivers, entrepreneurs, and solopreneurs—are all navigating the weight of expectations that don’t serve them, and I’ve seen firsthand how isolating, overwhelming, and physically damaging it can be. I wrote about this in “The Illusion of Success” because my work at Raíz Wellness is built around dismantling these toxic paradigms we’ve internalized about what it means to be ‘successful.’
But as you know, none of this exists in a vacuum. Chronic stress isn’t just an emotional burden—it’s a root cause of disease. The stress-disease connection is something I help my clients unravel, and it’s deeply tied to the way we push ourselves to meet impossible expectations while neglecting our own well-being. I couldn’t agree more with your talk about nervous system regulation/reprogramming being paramount—because our bodies remember the weight of these pressures. As Dr. Van Der Kolk writes best, they actually keep the score.
Which brings me back to your third point—community. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you manage what I’ve personally found to be the biggest challenge in maintaining truly supportive communities? The undercurrent of jealousy, comparison, and unconscious sabotage that inevitably arises when people aren’t secure in their own journey? I’ve come to believe that it’s not enough to just remove toxic elements—we have to actively create safety, nurture true reciprocity, and ensure that expansion isn’t met with silent resentment but all that sounds beautiful in theory, it’s the application of those things that I find a bit difficult to execute properly. And dare I say gracefully? =)
I’m so glad to have been connected with you though Marcy as you’ve put words to something I’ve felt but haven’t always felt safe speaking about in the communities I’ve been part of before. I deeply appreciate the work you’re doing and the thoughtfulness you bring to these conversations.
Sending love and deep appreciation vibes. I look forward to your response.
In Good Health & Spirit,
Kristie
Kristie. I think you've won the largest comment ever left on a post haha! I'm so into it and want to thank you for such a well thought out and expressed comment. I'm so used to instagram emojis I almost don't know where to start.
I love that it resonated with you and you felt the YES in your body for what I was sharing. Your work sounds both fascinating and important in this world. I've written a few articles on community building in different senses - usually orientated towards mothers because they so badly need and want connection, though unfortunately don't know how to create it. I'm unsure if these links will work but one is called "The village is not your mothers group"
https://open.substack.com/pub/katriver/p/the-village-is-not-your-mothers-group?r=1mqemy&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
The other is "The ways we reject the village we say we want"
https://open.substack.com/pub/katriver/p/ways-we-reject-the-village-we-say?r=1mqemy&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
I also talk a lot about concepts within society and community from other lenses like business in my post-
"Worldcrafiting for business." And also the subtle layers of being held back by community and our roots while also needing to honour it in "Don't forget where you came from". I mean I have so many topics but community and connection is something I feel comes naturally to me so something I enjoy talking on. You have however inspired me to do more of an audio or video talk on this a bit more specifically so thank you!
Haha! Well, fair warning—I don’t think I’ve ever written a short response to anyone in my life. Brevity just isn’t my thing. 😂 But I love deep conversations and
I love that you’re diving so deeply into community and connection because it’s something I’ve spent so much time unraveling myself, both in my personal life and in my work. I’m really looking forward to reading these pieces (thank you for sharing the links!), especially The Village is Not Your Mothers Group—that title alone tells me I’m going to be nodding my head the entire time.
Also, I love that our conversation inspired you to do an audio or video talk on this. There’s something so powerful about hearing someone speak on a topic they’re deeply passionate about, and I already know it’s going to hit exactly where it needs to. I look forward to listening and probably leaving yet another long-winded comment.
Grateful for this exchange and looking forward to diving into more of your work! 💛
Thank you Kat, this is so meaningful to understand, and I agree our environment is crucial in so many ways. I appreciate what you do 💘
So good, thank you Kat. Living in the patriarchal energy led me to burn out and to lose my cycle for well over a year, which says everything really! Feeling at the beginnings of a potentially new chapter of integrating mothering with the creative work I’ve been doing behind the scenes, and now with the important piece of being remunerated for my work, thank you for speaking to the importance of this and its many layers xx
oh, you're pretty :)
Hahah and you’re too kind
Eeeeek this is so good, feeling safe in expansion, that is a huge piece of the puzzle for me! Thank youuuuuu
Glad to hear that felt resonant for youuu
So so welcome !
I find myself perpetually frustrated by the fact that to make an income and impact on the world I have to show up in patriarchal energy. My energy is such that I burn out quickly that way (insanely quickly) and I spend enormous amounts of time healing rather than doing the work that I feel I am here to do. I would love to be able to call in more money while following my natural cycles!
I so hear you and it’s literally why I created aoa. The mothercentric path is rhythmic, slow, passionate and focuses on nourishing the mother on her way to *her* success!
Our environment has so much impact. I love the thoughts you raised around how we literally have a body that lives in a perpetual cycle so of course we naturally work best in a cycle….. it’s so simple & explains my numerous burn outs through the years!
Absolutely! So simple yet so mind-blowing if you're raised in a predominantly man orientated society!
The weird thing is my mum was a stay at home mum. I have 2 sisters & went to an all girls boarding school and STILL bought into the system!!! Rocking the shoulder pads, big hair etc in the 80’s & corporate climbing like all get out in the 90’s & 2000’s…..🙃
Landing safely in the now & going ‘what the actual!!!’ 🙂