Value systems

Constructs that shape our entire lives

Hey friends, I found myself typing away in my notes while I was having a rest being with Rafi (he’s playing with papa and having lunch) and have thought to share here as I’d love to hear your thoughts and explore this together.

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Value systems. Essentially deeply engrained motives, world views, perspectives, behaviours and models of our lives that we create/ exist within. It’s where we pull our ideas around what’s good/ bad/ right / wrong or even important or unimportant.

We are born into these (mostly though our interests play a part) , based on our life circumstances, culture, economic status, where we live, race, communities we are apart of. Behaviour/ how we act is visible to the outside world though our values systems are deeper within us and drive the external.

Schwartz theory is that there are 10. Power, achievement, hedonism, stimulation, self direction, universalism, benevolence, tradition, conformity and security.

I’ve seen other theories that are more linked to how our value systems shape the way we choose to work/ our money blueprint - As an example:

Purple value systems meaning a lot more linked to community and culture, having each others back, one for all mentality.

Blue may be a clear exchange time for money and more manual labor.

Red may be an investor, making money work for you so you have more time to do the things you enjoy. Possibly less consideration for others,

White-  a non attachment to physical and moreso drawn to the ethereal “enlightened” path.

Dr D Martini does a great values assessment test that ranks all your values (family, money, time, assets, creativity, community, relationship, etc) so you can see clearly your internal motivators. It’s accurate and comprehensive - not a Facebook quiz 😂

I remember learning about values really young, maybe 12? First to deconstruct the values I was living by and questioning if they were my own OR simply apart of the family I was born into & community I lived within. Aka conditioned values.

Did I want to go and work a job or was that a conditioned value from growing up with parents who worked and entering a school system where a job was the focus for 15 years. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”.

Did I want to be a creative or was that not a part of the value system of those who wanted to make money? Therefore I would lack success and ability to pay bills.

However when you look to other value systems, arts, music, community, culture are a high value often over $$ success.

There was a coming home to self, and then a rebuilding. A deciding. Money was not a high value growing up. Therefore I never educated on it. Is it something I’m learning to value now as I desire setting up security and wealth for my family? Yes.

Though family is a high value, higher than $ so if I want to priorities the lower values such as money, I had to learn how to link them to the higher ones.

Community is something I value a lot - I know this because most of my spare time is linked to serving community whether it be

Online or in person, through offering my self in some way.

Tul and I did a values assessment test years ago also to see where we both lined up/ and where we differed.

We could immediately see where the conflict cycles were coming from with simply a difference in values and therefore how we wanted to priorities time and energy.

We intentionally made efforts to bring some of the lower values up the ranks

And redid the assessment years later and a few of the values had moved up the ranks - we could feel a difference in the way we related with each other too.

(This was the Dr D martini values assessment).

I found that each value sort of has a shadow and gold to it.

For example

Community can be expressed in different ways.

The shadow of gossiping and self sacrificing or sometimes self victimising - in order to feel connected to someone

Vs

Connecting to people from your heart, both giving and receiving with others and being an active part of an ecosystem.

Both are an expression of community though one feels nourishing and one doesn’t.

Another example being chaos and conflict in relationship, going through big cycles of arguments or disconnect.

It may be the only way to have each others 100% undivided attention - when in an argument so even though it wouldn’t fulfill the need for a nourishing relationship, it does still link connection and relationship together in its own way. Or possibly leads to great makeup sex which is actually where the intimacy feels available.

Or you may value money

But make money in a way that sacrifices other high values such as family life or wellbeing.

Vs getting very creative and making money in other ways where there is more life, family, well-being balance alongside income.

Around the time we did our assessment, we also began making choices for our future values of family, We hadn’t made babies yet but knew it was soon. We began assessing our deep set values and questioned the decisions they were driving, and if it was taking us the direction we actually wanted to go.

We made money education more of a focus.

Emotional intelligence and communication a huge focus.

Relationship up the top so that we could cultivate really strong foundations for family life.

We made choices regarding work and trialing schedules and flexibility, getting over our “shit” and moving into the online space so that we could set up a life where we could orientate everything AROUND family time rather than family time around work.

We discussed locations to live in, and noticed different value systems dominate different locations.

Who did we want to be around? What sort of community and conversations were important to us? Knowing that we absorb so much from those around us.

It was an entire recalibration of life

And one I feel as though we are due to do again simply because we are parents now and things evolve and change.

I just wanted to open this conversation a little as I find it fascinating.

Especially in a world where there’s a lot of projection regarding what should or shouldn’t be happening.

When we can have empathy for the fact that most people are living their lives based on deep set values systems they likely didn’t ever choose for themselves,

And most people’s path may to never question those or recreate.

Some value systems are comfortable

Some aren’t but are so engrained it doesn’t matter.

I know the values I live by and I make them a priority in my life,

Family,

Relationship,

Creativity,

Physical emotional Wellbeing,

Community,

Peace,

Money,

And those translate into decisions made

Aka

Our entire life revolves around our family life

We priorities learning for our relationship and micro intimacy as parents.

We make time to write or create as a top priority throughout the week.

We choose things like home/unschool because it suits more of our values of wellbeing, family time, community, creativity,

We choose natural medicine as much as we can, I prefer to homebirth, cosleep, etc

We network a lot and make friends from all walks of life.

And we chose to make working for ourselves a norm for our life as it’s a way to make money that supports the rest of our values.

That’s us.

That’s what we feel good doing

But I don’t think it’s right for everyone

Because we all have a very unique framework based on our own circumstances. Our own values and priorities.

So i’d ove to know what yours currently feel like they are - doesn’t mean that’s what you WANT them to be but often when we look at where we invest the most time and energy whether it’s beneficial or not.

Where are you at now?

Where would you like to be? What are you learning to prioritise? How does life look based on conditioned values? How would life look different if you were living closer to your true heart values?

Feel free to join the conversation below

Love kat