This is such a good essay and exploration of intentional living. You seem to have found it earlier than many. It took me decades. I made gobs of money, mostly when I didn’t care. I changed careers and was constantly searching. Work just didn’t fill the hole. Neither did relationships. Because I knew I wasn’t being true to me, how could I be true to my partner? In the last 10 years that has all changed. My love, my community radio station, my town, my relationship with my family and with my friends, my volunteering, my rescue dogs...all give me tremendous purpose and fulfillment. What has changed? For the one big thing, recovery. 14 years clean and sober. A new vulnerability. A willingness to change. No more chasing. It’s an inside game first. Then the outside can fit around me and I can fit in.
Thanks for the thought-provoking essay. I’m new to your newsletter and I’m glad I found you.
I can only imagine you have an incredible story behind you... and in front of you! I've forward your publication onto a couple of friends also who are passionate about sobriety!
I am currently noticing the space / distance between the conditioned values and my desired values becomming smaller, which is great! This read was a nice reminder. I liked the approach of breaking it down to "what is important and what is not"
So excited to take this test ! We have had a huge shake up in our relationship in the last 2 months and our value system is very similar. To honour family as a priority, peace, wellbeing, community and nourishing our relationship our location is key and we’re navigating where to live to support this. So grounding and affirming to see examples of other families prioritising these values and real life examples of what it’s like to make this lifestyle value a reality. An exciting journey but also requires courage and commitment. So affirming to be reminded that we’re on the right path and others have lead the oath before us and will continue to after us xx
I never realized how vastly pregnancy would change my values. I'm grateful to be in a completely different headspace now at (almost) 30 vs when I was 20 & married for the first time & thinking about children. I feel much more grounded in myself & my value system now
Love this. It’s such a good reminder to turn around and look at what’s pushing this cart down the road. I’m happy to say that creativity, community, self connection, & my relationship are at the top. I’m happy to see this shift from a few months ago where money dominated.
Haha such a good image! But that’s how it can feel, right? Definitely! What’s interesting now is that there is neural networks committed to fear based (money/security driven) living. So having switched these values around I am almost constantly aware of when the cart hops on the fear track again & attempts to take over.
Mhm love this babe. We have never taken the test but will make time for it this week. Top values very similar to yours (if not the same haha) - family, relationship, creativity, physical and emotional well-being, community, peace... we chose the way we work around all our values. Really curious to see what similarities and differences this test will show and what conversations will open up from there. Thanks for the share my love xxx
Most of my biggest values are same as yours, the highest one is family too.
Unfortunately I don't feel like it's actually matching reality. My hubby is FIFO and works 2 wks and 2 wks off.
We don't have any family support as they all live abroad.
Every time he leaves I feel so emotionally triggered and frustrated. My mom became a single mom when my dad passed away when I was little.
For half the year I feel like a single mama to our beautiful little boy Vitalii. All I want is to be a wholesome family all the time and be physically present in each other lives, as life is too short.
My husband and I spoke a lot about this and how it affects me. He feels very unsafe and scared leaving his high paying job ( as local jobs in the small region pay very little).
We are strongly considering having a second baby but I can't imagine being a single mama for half a year with 2 kids on my own. Its already taken a massive toll on mentally and emotionally.
I feel very sad to not being able to have a 2nd baby because of all of this.
We have a dream to live on our own land (off the grid ) and be active and present daily parents whilst having lots nature adventures.
We just feel so stuck . I love being at stay at home mama and being present in my son's life especially in the first formative years of his life.
You have mentioned that you and Tully did some money education. Would you be able to elaborate pls?
Any books, podcasts or programs you would recommend that you found beneficial? 🙏
I am currently exploring ways to make an income online, but it feels so foreign and scary to me. I am hardly active on social media and I findb it quite overwhelming and draining many times.
I am happiest and at peace when I am in nature, exploring new places and having worldly adventures aside from learning the art of being an influencer , I am not sure how one can make a living of these passions.🙈😅
If you have any suggestions or ideas ,I would love to hear them.
Thank you for sharing this Kat! A timely reminder - I have previously done the same values test with my partner around 3 years ago. So much has changed in the 3 years since. I am definitely going to revisit it! P.s I have been loving your Substack reads. The life you and Tully are living is something I aspire to have with my partner ❤️
Loving this read because it’s getting me to ask lots of internal questions and reflect on our lives. First of all I need to do that test and get Dave to do it too haha. I think my values were very much inherited for a long time but as I travelled more, lived away from family, ran my own online biz, mixed with different people I began to question them and break them down and reconstruct what they are today ❤️ I’d love to get more intentional with them though, like sit down with Dave and get clear on what both ours are and revisit our relationship vision we did with Tully in Liberating Love at the same time. Family has always been right up there, relationship is way higher after doing LL which is why we did it, physical and emotional wellbeing is SUPER big and important to me like probably third as I think it effects our family so much positively/negatively depending on how much of a focus I have on movement/nourishment/sleep etc. None of these where really examples for me growing up so I had to go learn them. Also one last thing and then I’ll stop with this novel haha...community is an interesting one, we are really enjoying living in a small community, beach side town vibes where people know each other and it feels wholesome however there is a shadow side as you say with lots of people knowing each others stuff and being very interested in that, so I’m just feeling into where I sit with all of that at present in my heart. Ok enough from me, thanks for the musings as always Kat. Love Rach xx
This is such a good essay and exploration of intentional living. You seem to have found it earlier than many. It took me decades. I made gobs of money, mostly when I didn’t care. I changed careers and was constantly searching. Work just didn’t fill the hole. Neither did relationships. Because I knew I wasn’t being true to me, how could I be true to my partner? In the last 10 years that has all changed. My love, my community radio station, my town, my relationship with my family and with my friends, my volunteering, my rescue dogs...all give me tremendous purpose and fulfillment. What has changed? For the one big thing, recovery. 14 years clean and sober. A new vulnerability. A willingness to change. No more chasing. It’s an inside game first. Then the outside can fit around me and I can fit in.
Thanks for the thought-provoking essay. I’m new to your newsletter and I’m glad I found you.
I can only imagine you have an incredible story behind you... and in front of you! I've forward your publication onto a couple of friends also who are passionate about sobriety!
Thank you Kat 🙏
I am currently noticing the space / distance between the conditioned values and my desired values becomming smaller, which is great! This read was a nice reminder. I liked the approach of breaking it down to "what is important and what is not"
x
Love that for you! It’s a unpacking for us all I think!
So excited to take this test ! We have had a huge shake up in our relationship in the last 2 months and our value system is very similar. To honour family as a priority, peace, wellbeing, community and nourishing our relationship our location is key and we’re navigating where to live to support this. So grounding and affirming to see examples of other families prioritising these values and real life examples of what it’s like to make this lifestyle value a reality. An exciting journey but also requires courage and commitment. So affirming to be reminded that we’re on the right path and others have lead the oath before us and will continue to after us xx
I love this and thank you for sharing. It is affirming knowing you’re not crazy for wanting t to create a life that matches your heart haha xx
I never realized how vastly pregnancy would change my values. I'm grateful to be in a completely different headspace now at (almost) 30 vs when I was 20 & married for the first time & thinking about children. I feel much more grounded in myself & my value system now
Hey so sorry I missed your comment! Hope you’re enjoying your days as a mama at the moment and moving through challenges swiftly xx
Love this. It’s such a good reminder to turn around and look at what’s pushing this cart down the road. I’m happy to say that creativity, community, self connection, & my relationship are at the top. I’m happy to see this shift from a few months ago where money dominated.
I love that, turn around and see what’s pushing the cart down the road hahaha,
I’m guessing you’re feeling more nourished by life now based on what you said?
Haha such a good image! But that’s how it can feel, right? Definitely! What’s interesting now is that there is neural networks committed to fear based (money/security driven) living. So having switched these values around I am almost constantly aware of when the cart hops on the fear track again & attempts to take over.
I’ll be back here to respond and comment soon - my brain has been mostly mush and in recovery mode all day hehe have loved reading through though xx
Mhm love this babe. We have never taken the test but will make time for it this week. Top values very similar to yours (if not the same haha) - family, relationship, creativity, physical and emotional well-being, community, peace... we chose the way we work around all our values. Really curious to see what similarities and differences this test will show and what conversations will open up from there. Thanks for the share my love xxx
Loved reading this thank you Kat 🙏
I have been reflecting on this for a while.
Most of my biggest values are same as yours, the highest one is family too.
Unfortunately I don't feel like it's actually matching reality. My hubby is FIFO and works 2 wks and 2 wks off.
We don't have any family support as they all live abroad.
Every time he leaves I feel so emotionally triggered and frustrated. My mom became a single mom when my dad passed away when I was little.
For half the year I feel like a single mama to our beautiful little boy Vitalii. All I want is to be a wholesome family all the time and be physically present in each other lives, as life is too short.
My husband and I spoke a lot about this and how it affects me. He feels very unsafe and scared leaving his high paying job ( as local jobs in the small region pay very little).
We are strongly considering having a second baby but I can't imagine being a single mama for half a year with 2 kids on my own. Its already taken a massive toll on mentally and emotionally.
I feel very sad to not being able to have a 2nd baby because of all of this.
We have a dream to live on our own land (off the grid ) and be active and present daily parents whilst having lots nature adventures.
We just feel so stuck . I love being at stay at home mama and being present in my son's life especially in the first formative years of his life.
You have mentioned that you and Tully did some money education. Would you be able to elaborate pls?
Any books, podcasts or programs you would recommend that you found beneficial? 🙏
I am currently exploring ways to make an income online, but it feels so foreign and scary to me. I am hardly active on social media and I findb it quite overwhelming and draining many times.
I am happiest and at peace when I am in nature, exploring new places and having worldly adventures aside from learning the art of being an influencer , I am not sure how one can make a living of these passions.🙈😅
If you have any suggestions or ideas ,I would love to hear them.
Sorry for such a long comment, thank you 🙏❤️
Thank you for sharing this Kat! A timely reminder - I have previously done the same values test with my partner around 3 years ago. So much has changed in the 3 years since. I am definitely going to revisit it! P.s I have been loving your Substack reads. The life you and Tully are living is something I aspire to have with my partner ❤️
Loving this read because it’s getting me to ask lots of internal questions and reflect on our lives. First of all I need to do that test and get Dave to do it too haha. I think my values were very much inherited for a long time but as I travelled more, lived away from family, ran my own online biz, mixed with different people I began to question them and break them down and reconstruct what they are today ❤️ I’d love to get more intentional with them though, like sit down with Dave and get clear on what both ours are and revisit our relationship vision we did with Tully in Liberating Love at the same time. Family has always been right up there, relationship is way higher after doing LL which is why we did it, physical and emotional wellbeing is SUPER big and important to me like probably third as I think it effects our family so much positively/negatively depending on how much of a focus I have on movement/nourishment/sleep etc. None of these where really examples for me growing up so I had to go learn them. Also one last thing and then I’ll stop with this novel haha...community is an interesting one, we are really enjoying living in a small community, beach side town vibes where people know each other and it feels wholesome however there is a shadow side as you say with lots of people knowing each others stuff and being very interested in that, so I’m just feeling into where I sit with all of that at present in my heart. Ok enough from me, thanks for the musings as always Kat. Love Rach xx