Can’t lie, reading this put a heavy sinking pit into my stomach. The dreamer in me wants to believe that this way of relating is possible for me and my husband, that we’re working towards this. This is level of commitment to each other’s hearts and personal evolution is what I have wanted since I was a girl.
But then again, I wonder if it’s possible if the other side isn’t naturally curious. If the other side isn’t fascinated by me or the art of relating and instead sees it as one more load of “work” on his plate. I noticed and voiced just the other day, that almost all conversations I start in the hopes of feeling closer on the other end, instead have the opposite effect of more disconnect (perceived by me, though the feeling isn’t reciprocal apparently). Same with physical touch.
I read your account of life before a baby and I grieve for that too, because we never had that experience. We fell pregnant a mere month after meeting, there wasn’t a passionate era you speak so vividly of and there wasn’t the time to set those foundational blocks. And in a way there wasn’t time to choose each other with a full body yes. It was choosing a family that we said yes to. Which comes with beauty in its own rite, don’t get me wrong.
It sounds like maybe I’m not taking 100% responsibility for my own part in this, which I can honestly say I do not show up within the container of my marriage in a way that would be most conducive to creating this level of relating. I am not the best version of me. I guess I just always expected to be with someone that also wanted to dig deep together, that had some framework of understanding of what that meant or could mean, and excitement to step into that adventure hand in hand on a daily basis. The self discovery within the safe and healing container of unconditional love.
I love this experience of becoming for the two of you, thanks for speaking your truth and serving as an expander. I hope one day to experience a love at the caliber of yours ❤️🔥
Loved reading this!
I am yet to have children and feel all those things you mentioned!
Can’t lie, reading this put a heavy sinking pit into my stomach. The dreamer in me wants to believe that this way of relating is possible for me and my husband, that we’re working towards this. This is level of commitment to each other’s hearts and personal evolution is what I have wanted since I was a girl.
But then again, I wonder if it’s possible if the other side isn’t naturally curious. If the other side isn’t fascinated by me or the art of relating and instead sees it as one more load of “work” on his plate. I noticed and voiced just the other day, that almost all conversations I start in the hopes of feeling closer on the other end, instead have the opposite effect of more disconnect (perceived by me, though the feeling isn’t reciprocal apparently). Same with physical touch.
I read your account of life before a baby and I grieve for that too, because we never had that experience. We fell pregnant a mere month after meeting, there wasn’t a passionate era you speak so vividly of and there wasn’t the time to set those foundational blocks. And in a way there wasn’t time to choose each other with a full body yes. It was choosing a family that we said yes to. Which comes with beauty in its own rite, don’t get me wrong.
It sounds like maybe I’m not taking 100% responsibility for my own part in this, which I can honestly say I do not show up within the container of my marriage in a way that would be most conducive to creating this level of relating. I am not the best version of me. I guess I just always expected to be with someone that also wanted to dig deep together, that had some framework of understanding of what that meant or could mean, and excitement to step into that adventure hand in hand on a daily basis. The self discovery within the safe and healing container of unconditional love.
I love this experience of becoming for the two of you, thanks for speaking your truth and serving as an expander. I hope one day to experience a love at the caliber of yours ❤️🔥
I could have written your text with the exact same words...
Love & life & learning can be tough, no?
What a wonderful, relatable read Kat.... thank you!
Give me a shout if Tull needs any help with imagery for the retreat! 🙌🤍