I read and re-read this one. As someone who is yet to birth babies, just businesses and creative endeavours, it highlights so much for me to consider when I one day step fully into the realm of motherhood. I love your words x
As I plan and prepare for my first postpartum season this coming spring (Northern Hemisphere), I'm so nourished by these words and this wisdom. Yes, I can receive. Yes, sometimes I can also give. Yes, I can still have awareness and limits. Yes, support comes in many forms. Yes, it is OK to accept what someone offers and it's also OK to be specific in my actual needs. Yes, I am allowed to rest in a season of receiving without guilt. Bless all the mothers.
Oh what an exciting time! Make sure to save this post to come back to- it’s easy to forget these things when you’re in the thick of the postpartum haze! I’m congratulating you all the way from Aus!
Hi Kat, this is brilliant! It resonated so deeply in my soul. Not only do I see this trend in my own life in motherhood but also in creativity. Almost as if I cannot accept 'the village' without having the same capacity / creativity to give. Also, your thoughts on connection through the hardships rings so very true. Sometimes it feels like talking about the beauty and magic of the great things about our children must be conditional, like we must share the hardships in order to share the good bits!
Years ago I read an article called “it takes a village and there is no village” - I’ve never forgotten it. When my kitties were small, I struggled and drowned under the weight of it. I have some breathing room now but I am so conditioned not to accept, or to accept so very reluctantly- my parents offered to stay with the kids for 10 days so we could take a just us trip - I took them up on it but the amount of thanking and hedging I did was embarrassing- eventually my mother was like ‘just stop! You’re welcome but just stop’ 😂😂
I am in my way home feeling restored and missing my babies.
This was a phenomenal read. As a mom of 4 married almost 20 years this resonated with me so very much. What village, must be the one I wasn’t invited into….
So important and thoughtful. Asking for help is difficult for many people--or even having someone close by to ask for that help. 🥲
I appreciate reading how acute it can be for Mothers. It brings a deep and painful memory of my own Mother. In her prime in her mid-30s and having been moved across the country and back a couple of times, losing friends and relatives in order to follow my Father’s growing career. My brothers and I had sports and school to get us through. Mom had nothing and no one, and found herself In a very insular community that was hard to make new friends in. She broke. It was awful for a few months and as her oldest son at 15 with an absent Father I had to carry much of that burden.
I’m so sorry for that experience with your mother and I can only imagine how challenging that would have been for her, and you also! Thank you for sharing
Thank you for all of this. It really resonated with me and the idea of “community mind” takes the pressure off of expecting others to give back personally as well as myself. It links into ideas of the gift and connection economy while evaluating the shifts in perspective and vulnerability those new ways of exchange require. Sending this to a friend. 💗
I have been saving this to read when I had space to digest as I knew it would be so juicy!
Oh wow... just so much that sums up a lot of my experience, second time round though I really have felt way more able to receive and on reading this I can see some of the places I have managed to unravel this difficulty to receive.
I genuinely adore giving to other Mothers, others in community in general, but in my current season I’m so maxed out in capacity holding my own babes, and myself, that I have often felt guilt that I’m not able to give more.
I love what you say about the maiden being there to step in and support... I have a couple of friends who have been this for me and I didn’t realise but wow... what a beautiful way of looking at it.
I did a short course with Beth Berry a year or so ago and it started to help me see all of this and it blew my mind, she talked also about the expectation on a partner to be alllll of the things that a whole community is supposed to offer and how that can cause so much harm in a relationship. She also brought my attention to the concept of ‘alloparenting’ and that actually our children are supposed to be with a variety of different people to learn different things... and that really struck me as with my first I always felt guilty if she wasn’t with me... which stopped me from receiving help when offered!
So much more I could speak to but thank you so much for writing this all in such a beautiful and reflective way!!! Xxx
Ah thank you for taking the time to read beautiful woman. Love what you say in alloparenting. I’m an advocate for the concept but haven’t heart that term before!
How fascinating is it when we feel maxed out in giving that we push away help. Love your reflections
This was beautiful for me to read. It served as a reflection back on a whole life of single-motherhood to my son. I NEVER asked anyone to babysit. I would have rather stayed home than "ask." However, I did let my mother and grandmother step in once in a while. And I DID do sleepover swaps with other single moms so that we'd all get a break.
You're right....we need the village but we so often refuse it in exchange for our pride.
This was so delicious to read & so powerful! I’m about to birth our first baby & went through a period of feeling as though I didn’t have ENOUGH mothers around me, yet I have a community of supportive maidens (& brothers) who have the energy to give & are eager to do so. We’ve spent time cultivating our village & yet the key factor in it is can we receive their love when they show up. There’s so many stories around what our village needs to be or how it shows up so many end up leaving our partners to hold the weight of the village on their own. Sitting into how supported our little family is & asking for the help if we need it. Thank you for your wisdom sister ❤️🔥
Thank you for this! My wife and I talk often about how to build community (aka The Village) yet, as you talk about, we DO so very insular things.
As I was reading I started things about “which season are we in now?” Do we have friends/family in a similar or different season?” It really got my heart working.
I’m excited to hear more of your reflection on your village.
So beautiful to hear these words from you Kat and I recognise so much in what I have, what I want and where I’ve been in accepting the yes of specific help... just this week I’ve accepted help twice because I felt fractured and frayed and they say that in me and had specific offers in response. I’m so so grateful and feel much more myself now because of being seen.
I think that’s really the key.
My mum always said “let me know if I can help?!” Phrased exactly like that.
And it makes me wild because I can’t ask her for specific help... I don’t know what to ask for because I don’t know if it exists...
I guess the village is love and in accepting it we’re accepting we’re loved? ✨🌸✨⭕️✨
Loved this read Kat! So many wise words written and a lot of relatable head-nod moments. It’s all such a journey isn’t it...Within ourselves and as a society. Thank you for sharing your insight, love love loved it xo
I’m getting so many nods, though haven’t got through it all just yet. Totally with you there on the giving being a part of the soul nourishment and what LIGHTS me up.. without expectations of it being returned. Cultivating the diverse villages of our own is incredible 💫 although in own experience it’s been really fkn hard leaving the one we grew and nurtured back home and then it not immediately’ showing up elsewhere 😅🙃
This was beautiful and so many sentences and thoughts had me in tears as I aligned with what I know is an outdated model and thought process that is not serving me but is so conditioned in that even now 18 months into motherhood I am still “hoping” to find my magical village of women dancing naked in the stream…
Thank-you for articulating this and showing me ways to try and adjust and recalibrate.
I read and re-read this one. As someone who is yet to birth babies, just businesses and creative endeavours, it highlights so much for me to consider when I one day step fully into the realm of motherhood. I love your words x
Thank you for taking the time to read 🥰🥰
As I plan and prepare for my first postpartum season this coming spring (Northern Hemisphere), I'm so nourished by these words and this wisdom. Yes, I can receive. Yes, sometimes I can also give. Yes, I can still have awareness and limits. Yes, support comes in many forms. Yes, it is OK to accept what someone offers and it's also OK to be specific in my actual needs. Yes, I am allowed to rest in a season of receiving without guilt. Bless all the mothers.
Oh what an exciting time! Make sure to save this post to come back to- it’s easy to forget these things when you’re in the thick of the postpartum haze! I’m congratulating you all the way from Aus!
Brilliant idea!
Hi Kat, this is brilliant! It resonated so deeply in my soul. Not only do I see this trend in my own life in motherhood but also in creativity. Almost as if I cannot accept 'the village' without having the same capacity / creativity to give. Also, your thoughts on connection through the hardships rings so very true. Sometimes it feels like talking about the beauty and magic of the great things about our children must be conditional, like we must share the hardships in order to share the good bits!
Thank you for taking the time to come and read and enjoy!
Years ago I read an article called “it takes a village and there is no village” - I’ve never forgotten it. When my kitties were small, I struggled and drowned under the weight of it. I have some breathing room now but I am so conditioned not to accept, or to accept so very reluctantly- my parents offered to stay with the kids for 10 days so we could take a just us trip - I took them up on it but the amount of thanking and hedging I did was embarrassing- eventually my mother was like ‘just stop! You’re welcome but just stop’ 😂😂
I am in my way home feeling restored and missing my babies.
This was a phenomenal read. As a mom of 4 married almost 20 years this resonated with me so very much. What village, must be the one I wasn’t invited into….
Thank you, so glad you enjoyed reading and took the time. xx
So important and thoughtful. Asking for help is difficult for many people--or even having someone close by to ask for that help. 🥲
I appreciate reading how acute it can be for Mothers. It brings a deep and painful memory of my own Mother. In her prime in her mid-30s and having been moved across the country and back a couple of times, losing friends and relatives in order to follow my Father’s growing career. My brothers and I had sports and school to get us through. Mom had nothing and no one, and found herself In a very insular community that was hard to make new friends in. She broke. It was awful for a few months and as her oldest son at 15 with an absent Father I had to carry much of that burden.
I’m so sorry for that experience with your mother and I can only imagine how challenging that would have been for her, and you also! Thank you for sharing
Thank you for all of this. It really resonated with me and the idea of “community mind” takes the pressure off of expecting others to give back personally as well as myself. It links into ideas of the gift and connection economy while evaluating the shifts in perspective and vulnerability those new ways of exchange require. Sending this to a friend. 💗
Absolutely! Thank you for reading and sharing your take away too xxx
I have been saving this to read when I had space to digest as I knew it would be so juicy!
Oh wow... just so much that sums up a lot of my experience, second time round though I really have felt way more able to receive and on reading this I can see some of the places I have managed to unravel this difficulty to receive.
I genuinely adore giving to other Mothers, others in community in general, but in my current season I’m so maxed out in capacity holding my own babes, and myself, that I have often felt guilt that I’m not able to give more.
I love what you say about the maiden being there to step in and support... I have a couple of friends who have been this for me and I didn’t realise but wow... what a beautiful way of looking at it.
I did a short course with Beth Berry a year or so ago and it started to help me see all of this and it blew my mind, she talked also about the expectation on a partner to be alllll of the things that a whole community is supposed to offer and how that can cause so much harm in a relationship. She also brought my attention to the concept of ‘alloparenting’ and that actually our children are supposed to be with a variety of different people to learn different things... and that really struck me as with my first I always felt guilty if she wasn’t with me... which stopped me from receiving help when offered!
So much more I could speak to but thank you so much for writing this all in such a beautiful and reflective way!!! Xxx
Ah thank you for taking the time to read beautiful woman. Love what you say in alloparenting. I’m an advocate for the concept but haven’t heart that term before!
How fascinating is it when we feel maxed out in giving that we push away help. Love your reflections
This was beautiful for me to read. It served as a reflection back on a whole life of single-motherhood to my son. I NEVER asked anyone to babysit. I would have rather stayed home than "ask." However, I did let my mother and grandmother step in once in a while. And I DID do sleepover swaps with other single moms so that we'd all get a break.
You're right....we need the village but we so often refuse it in exchange for our pride.
Absolutely. It looks like you did the best at the time with what you were ready for! Sleep over swaps is a great idea x
A mom's gotta recoup her sanity however she can!
This was so delicious to read & so powerful! I’m about to birth our first baby & went through a period of feeling as though I didn’t have ENOUGH mothers around me, yet I have a community of supportive maidens (& brothers) who have the energy to give & are eager to do so. We’ve spent time cultivating our village & yet the key factor in it is can we receive their love when they show up. There’s so many stories around what our village needs to be or how it shows up so many end up leaving our partners to hold the weight of the village on their own. Sitting into how supported our little family is & asking for the help if we need it. Thank you for your wisdom sister ❤️🔥
Oh I’m so glad you enjoyed. Love your reflections here. And wish you all the best for this time ahead!
This spoke directly to my soul. Thank you.
Thank you for taking the time to read x
Thank you for this! My wife and I talk often about how to build community (aka The Village) yet, as you talk about, we DO so very insular things.
As I was reading I started things about “which season are we in now?” Do we have friends/family in a similar or different season?” It really got my heart working.
I’m excited to hear more of your reflection on your village.
Thank you for sharing your reflections here, I so appreciate that
So beautiful to hear these words from you Kat and I recognise so much in what I have, what I want and where I’ve been in accepting the yes of specific help... just this week I’ve accepted help twice because I felt fractured and frayed and they say that in me and had specific offers in response. I’m so so grateful and feel much more myself now because of being seen.
I think that’s really the key.
My mum always said “let me know if I can help?!” Phrased exactly like that.
And it makes me wild because I can’t ask her for specific help... I don’t know what to ask for because I don’t know if it exists...
I guess the village is love and in accepting it we’re accepting we’re loved? ✨🌸✨⭕️✨
Love that last sentence a lot. You’re so right 🌸
Loved this read Kat! So many wise words written and a lot of relatable head-nod moments. It’s all such a journey isn’t it...Within ourselves and as a society. Thank you for sharing your insight, love love loved it xo
Thank you for reading beautiful woman! Hope I see you soon xxx
I’m getting so many nods, though haven’t got through it all just yet. Totally with you there on the giving being a part of the soul nourishment and what LIGHTS me up.. without expectations of it being returned. Cultivating the diverse villages of our own is incredible 💫 although in own experience it’s been really fkn hard leaving the one we grew and nurtured back home and then it not immediately’ showing up elsewhere 😅🙃
Ah honestly moving to a new place and needing to rebuild is HUGE. Looking forward to seeing you guys soon xx
This was beautiful and so many sentences and thoughts had me in tears as I aligned with what I know is an outdated model and thought process that is not serving me but is so conditioned in that even now 18 months into motherhood I am still “hoping” to find my magical village of women dancing naked in the stream…
Thank-you for articulating this and showing me ways to try and adjust and recalibrate.
Thank you for taking the time to read, even if parts feel confronting xxxx (still vouching for the nudie swims in the stream haha)